Blurry

These first few days at home with our baby boy have been blurry. Not because of sleepless nights due to night feedings but because the cold I caught a little over a week before going into labor was already becoming something else when I did go into labor. Upon getting back home from the hospital, the headache got worse and the pressure and congestion kept increasing in my head. At any rate, this morning I couldn't even move without feeling as though my eyes were going to pop out! So I had to go to the doctor's today and had to go on antibiotics to treat a sinusitis and rhinintis. I can tell you though:

:: We are so blessed with our little man. He is so perfect and awesome. I just met him and now my time is consumed with discovering him... discovering who he is, how he is... it is so fascinating to have a new little person to love.

:: We are also extremely blessed and grateful for how the girls have reacted to him.

:: Elena is such a big sister and wants to hold him constantly. She is so proud of him and when asked his name she proudly exclaims: "BEN!". When we brought him from the hospital she said: "Mami, is he going to stay with us for a while?" and when I said "Sweetie, he is staying with us forever" her face lit up with the widest smile I have ever seen.

:: Adriana has reacted beautifully to having a little brother. She constantly touches his face, ever so tenderly, and kisses him. Today when we were getting back from my doctor's appt. she asked immediately where the baby was. Upon realizing he was on the car seat, she began taking the blankets off him and she must have heard something because she immediately exclaimed: "Mami, the baby went kinkies (stinkies) you have to change his diaper!" then she ran off. I had just sat at the table when she began bringing me, one by one, every single thing she thought I needed to do the task!

And so, we are loving and enjoying this season even with all the challenges we've encountered around it. Lord knows I'll treasure these days with all my heart!

The Little Man

Benjamin Paul Levendusky Jr.

More pics and details coming up, as soon as we get a little bit more settled!

40 weeks

I've reached the "magic due date". Allegedly I am turning 40 weeks pregnant today and there are very slim signs of a baby making the awaited appearance. I am ok, though. Yes, a little uncomfortable, yes a little bored since there is really so little to do when you're on a tight budget and it is so cold out and you have a cold yourself but I'm ok.

These are challenging times, indeed, in many more ways than one... from swinging moods to keep in check to realizing that life doesn't go on hold to wait for me to have a baby but that I still need to continue to keep this home in the midst of the waiting it has proven to be quite challenging. Granted, a lot of the physical tasks of the home keeping have gone to my mom, who gladly does it even better than me. But none of that takes away the fact that this is my kingdom and I am the one who needs to keep it. So I am busy making provisions for little girls to be entertained when I'd rather be sleeping, making meal plans that would stretch our provision even further than it is already, and then deciding what can occupy myself with that is not going to tire me out and still rest enough to allow for my body to fully recover from this cold and prepare for labor.

In becoming a mom, I am not spared the privileges and responsibilities of being a wife, a mom to two other little girls, a hostess, a child of God and in the whirlwind of emotions that hormones can foster I have the resources to find it to be well with my soul... all I need is to tap into them. Stay tuned for news!

39 weeks

This (above) is 39 weeks pregnant with this baby. Below is 39 weeks with Adriana... what do you think, bigger? lower? I'm an awful judge myself, b/c every time I feel bigger than the last.

I'm being watched...

I wish I could say I'm being watched "as a flower about to bloom" yet I find it more to be "as a bomb about to explode." It feels as though what I wished to be a peaceful or inspiring process is intense and sensitive instead. I'm on the 39th week and finding that even when I think I am somewhat able to keep a quiet and pleasant attitude that seems to be the farthest thing from reality. I come across as short tempered, and snappy regardless of what I consider my greatest efforts. Just another reminder of how I can't do life without Him.

Circumstances aren't really what we were hoping or even expecting for this season and I have found myself complaining more than I'd like to be. In the middle of this most joyous time of life temptation to focus on everything else but the joy is so great I need to constantly remind myself where my source is and where my confidence should be.

At the same time I find that as much as I anticipate meeting this new little person, holding them in my arms and revel in the newness of life I also want to enjoy this waiting season because time goes so fast, children grow too quickly and these seasons are over far too soon to my liking. So here I am, trying to sort through emotions, situations and circumstances to find my portion, my peace and my joy... it is being definitely more challenging than I wanted or expected!

While we wait...

A lot of this is going on around here (not exactly proud of how much TV we're watching but I can't deny I really enjoy both girls wanting to constantly snuggle with their currently-feeling-like-a-beached-whale-mother!) :

...and a little bit of this (I don't think I need to reveal the author of the artwork...) :

38 weeks

I can't believe how close we are to getting to know this new little person... in some ways I can't wait: I can't wait to find out if we're having a boy or a girl, I can't wait to hold them and snuggle with them, I can't wait to see the girls excited about the new sibling. At the same time, I don't want to see this time go, I am trying (really trying) to savor moments with the girls as I know for a while I'll have to be a bit more consumed with the little person.

I say trying because I'm running so low in energy. I simply can't believe how slow every movement feels and how exhausted I get after one simple task. Staying active has proved to be quite the effort lately. So very, very slowly I'm moving towards the end of this pregnancy, fighting the crankiness that comes with it and trying to stay busy, at least keep my mind busy.

What's in a name... This time around we decided to keep to ourselves the name options we were to consider and was it a wise decision. We have gone back and forth SO much this time that it is unbelievable. Boy or Girl? What do you think?

So far...

:: My Mom is here, half full of energy to work, half already exhausted by little girls who want to spend every single moment of every 24 hours with her.

:: Mom L is back and though she has to begin work tomorrow it is relieving to know her home (sorry Andrea, I know you must be missing her awfully!!!)

:: Laundry is about one load to be caught up and that includes one load of every neutral baby onesie, outfit, blanket, plus the car seat cover and moses basket sheets. Tomorrow, the little makeshift dresser will be stocked up with said baby clothes and the basket will be placed next to our bed so the girls begin to get used to having it there.

:: An exhaustive grocery shopping trip took place today so as to try and cover major needs for the event of an early arrival... I am not expecting it to happen, but it doesn't hurt to be ready.

:: Little diapers (disposables, no budget at this time to begin the cloth experiment) are now awaiting a sweet little person to start filling them up, all thanks to Aunt Bean!!!

:: Lists are being made to make sure nothing is forgotten these next few upcoming events.

:: I am 37 weeks pregnant!