Ponderings

If you have access to the internet, and if you are a part of some sort of social network you are flooded with all kinds of information these days. From politics to advertising, you have to pick and choose what to read and how you will react to what you read.

Where you focus your sight will determine what you will witness. Where you place your faith will determine what you will see happening for you. What you listen to the most will determine what you will end up believing. Do you wonder what you are witnessing?

I think about the people who lived in the times of Jesus and who witnessed His crucifixion. I think about that very moment when He hung on the cross, as His breathing slowed... What was going through those people´s minds? What were they seeing around them? I´m sure every single face in that setting witnessed to their heart. Did they know what they were witnessing?

I think not. I can almost see the words illustrated by faces as the events unfolded. Doubt... "I thought He was the Savior." Regret: "And I wasted my time following." Hopelessness: "Who is going to save us now?" Uncertainty: "What happens to us now?" Disbelief: "I can't believe this is happening!" Fear: "What does the future hold?" Despair: "Whom do we turn to now?"

As my mind's eye walks this event, I know that these must have only been a few of the questions flooding people's minds that day. As I know they're only a few of the questions that flood people's minds, today. They fill my mind sometimes too. And then I ask myself: "Do I know... Do I know what I am witnessing? Am I missing the miracle in the making?"

Those people may have missed the miracle because they kept looking around the Cross. Would their questions have been different if their focus had been on Him? Could they have seen the love? Could they have understood the miracle? Can WE?

"...Fixing our eyes in Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2)

Update

I am in one of those seasons of realizing that the years have most definitely gone by. The things that I´ve considered new for a while aren´t appearing that new anymore.

Take my makeup bag, for example. It is very accurate to say that ALL the makeup I own fits in one of those half quart baggies they let you bring on the plane for toiletries. I only have one item of each category and they are ALL 5 years old. The reason I know this is because my previous makeup bag (which was a little bigger than the current one) was inside the purse that was stolen from me in Guatemala, the October before I got married. I never fully replaced the contents of the bag and that is how I know exactly how old my makeup is.

Probably in the same category fall my techniques for makeup application and hair styling, and my sense of style for that matter. I will inevitably buy the most neutral (aka boring) clothes, because I´m never quite sure what is really in style for my lifestyle (age and status). I will always wear my hair pulled back in the same style or a pony tail because I have absolutely no skill whatsoever for styling hair. And the last time I had to seriously do my makeup for a wedding I about panicked because not only did I not own whatever beauty products were needed for the task but I realized the techniques I´d use would be those I learned back about 15 years ago when I was hip and current. I think an update would be nice, just a little refresher, you know.

Life

It feels as though I´m finally beginning to catch up with life a little. Some areas of the house are beginning to look tidy. Of course, it always seem to go that the downstairs gets better or more work than the upstairs. Mostly because once we come downstairs for breakfast I hardly ever go back upstairs except for nap and bed times. And of course, as I catch up with the house, I must quickly begin to pack this downstairs for our move to the other apartment. As it is, old Susi's room has already become Mom's sowing/storage room.

I have managed to keep on working even when I slow down to nurse the baby. Usually it is hard for me to get up once I sit down because I'll inevitably grab a book, or my crochet and get so caught in in that I stay on the couch doing these things (when I don't fall asleep with him). Today was the hardest day, though. Ben has been doing an hour of activities at a nearby Christian School at the beginning of their day. They call it "Spirit Emphasis Week". Every morning he's been getting up earlier than usual and running off to do this, so we haven't seen him when we get up. So, today when he crossed the front door at around 10.30 a.m. with his bag in hand and the news that he was taking the morning off because he wasn't feeling well it took absolutely every single ounce of my will not to sit with him on the couch!

It is so hard not to sit with him and want to spend time with him when he is home! How does everybody else does it? Once Ben is here I have the strong tendency of ditching responsibilities and just sit with him. Not today, though. Today I succeeded! I kept on working while he sat to work on the computer and I have just sat down now while he took the girls upstairs for naps. Yay for me!!! My house is not in terrible disarray because I've managed to keep up!

My brain

This morning:

What day is it today? ...ohh, yeah, Monday. Ben is gone already. Adriana is calling. Oh my! She must be wet. "Coming, sweetie, go to the bathroom. I'll bring your underwear there." Do we have pull ups up here? Ok, baby sleeps. Change Adriana. I'll fold a basket of laundry while Elena and the baby awaken. Oooops, scrap that thought, the baby is up. "Good morning little sweet heart! You have the brightest smile. I love you". Yikes! His diaper leaked. Change the baby. I'll still try to fold while Elena wakes up. Ok, never mind. "Good morning sweetie! Here let me get you some clothes. Go brush your teeth and get dressed and we'll go downstairs." What can I wear... What's clean. I should throw a load of laundry before I go downstairs. I should REALLY fold at least one basket before I go downstairs. "We're going downstairs in a little bit. What? A little bit? A little bit is a few minutes? Well, not necessarily five, maybe... Don't worry Elena, I'll just get dressed and we'll go downstairs. Find your milk cups while I get ready". I'm out of stain remover, gotta write that down on the list. Hope I don't forget. "Come here little man, we're going downstairs. (louder) Girls? Got your cups? Let's go downstairs!" Man! You'd think I'd pick up a bit last night. This is messy. Where do I even start? Breakfast... COFFEE!! Hmm, Ben probably didn't eat anything, poor guy. "Yes, Adriana, I know you want your juice. Please don't whine, I'll get it to you in a minute. Yes, Elena, I know you want cereal for breakfast, I heard you the first time. What is it buddy? You're not gonna let me eat yet, are you? Let's go nurse you." I'm hungry. I hope he goes to sleep. He is so cute, sweet thing. Hopefully he'll fall asleep for a good while. "Are you done with your breakfast? You want more cereal? I'd like you to wait until I'm done feeding the baby, ok?" I should have left the cereal box on the table, Elena could have gotten it herself. Babies hands are cold, cover him. What will I eat, when will I eat... What time is it? I need to make phone calls. One to Continental. Where else was I supposed to call? I knew I should have written it down. Baby sleeps. Quiet, quiet, quiet... turn light off. "More cereal? sure. Sit on your bummy or your knees, please." Eggs, I'll have eggs. Uh oh, we'll need eggs, and bread, and milk. Grab pen, write it down NOW! What was the other thing? Arghh! Never mind. Grab Bible, pen, journal, coffee... what else? oh, yeah, napkin. Sit down. Breathe. Open Bible, open journal. Take a bite. Wow! I haven't written here in a very long time! "More juice? How do you ask?" Maybe I won't write today either. Where was I? Oh, yeah, today is the 7th, I'll start with a Proverb. Proverbs, Proverbs... 7. Hmmm... wisdom, "Wisdom builds its house" Does it say the same thing in English? Take a sip. "Adriana! Your pants are wet. You forgot to tell me you needed to go." Not really, I forgot to remind her. Take her pants off. Run upstairs to bring fresh pants... of course, the baby´s eyes are now open. Rush, rush, maybe I can still finish my food before he cries. Remember: bring the bathroom cleaning supplies downstairs with me. That downstairs bathroom is in serious need of cleaning. Oh, yeah, a tablecloth too. Change Adriana. Pick up baby. Make a phone call. Make another. Yet another call, we´ll have company for dinner. Clean toilet. Clean sink. Put cleaning supplies away and out of girls´reach. Arghh! Why didn´t I ask Mel how she´s tolerating chicken lately. Chicken! Get it out of the freezer. Crock pot? Oven? Call again. Lunch. What do I make for lunch. Quesadillas? We don´t have cheese. Any sandwich is out of the question, we don´t have bread. Man! What do I make? Open fridge. Scan, scan, scan... look at clock. It´s late! Eggs, how many eggs are there? Scramble. Tater tots. Put in oven...

I´ll drop it here... you get the point though. And I still wonder why I forget things or why I don´t make any sense at times. °sigh°

"Mi Casa es tu Casa"

"Make yourself at home"... How many times do we use phrases like those and really, really, truly, mean it? How many times have we used the phrase and actually lived it out? Well, we have. Six months ago we opened our door to my cousin. She and her baby left us on Thursday. We were sad to see her go, but happy to see her move on to the next season of her life.

Tomorrow she will be on her way to Guatemala, where she will wait for her husband to finish his assignment and be finally reunited as a family in July. She left us filled with memories, some hard, some fun, some really funny, some very sweet. We miss her already!

So, here is to her time with us, laugh with us if you may!

*sigh* =0)

Me: "Adriana, what is this? Why is this all wet?" (After picking up a rubber cup holder she was playing with).

A: "Oh, Is ok, Mommy, I just putting my water in it."

Me: "Water?! Where did you get water from?" (Alarmed at the thought of her "putting" water anywhere else in the house).

A: "Is ok, Mommy is just my water."

Me: "Sweetie, where did you get water from?"

A: "Is just my water from my mouth"

A grocery "shopping" story...

We normally buy our groceries with cash but when we realized how busy we are this week and how we were scraping the bottom of the proverbial barrel, we decided to do a grocerys shopping trip tonight. I served dinner, we ate and I bundled the baby and left shortly debit card in hand.

Funny, when I only had Elena I wouldn´t even have dreamed of going out to the store by myself with the baby! Tonight, it was nice to be at the store with an infant who went on the carrier and happily smiled at me without interrupting my shopping at all.

An hour later I had completed my task. I was in the process of transferring my bags to the cart, very excited to have come one Dollar under my budget when the cashier informed me my card had been denied. Of course I had no other payment method, so very embarrassed I left my bags and the store in a hurry.

I ran to the van, baby-in-car-seat in arms and with every step my feelings began to change from embarrassment to anger. Oh I was so angry at... I didn't know who could possibly be the object of my anger! It couldn't be the cashier at the store... Ben? No, while he very certainly was subject to my anger (poor honey!), he was definitely not the object of it! He directed me to the ATM where I realized the problem: my card number had been compromised! I couldn't even check my balance!

How dare these bank people do this to a mother, standing in the cold desolate parking lot while her baby cries his little lungs out strapped to the car seat! I went back to the car, sat at the wheel, and was getting ready to cry (yeah, pathetic, I know). But then I stopped. Hold on a second, I thought to myself. "Ok, Lord, What could possibly be the purpose of my having gone through the wasted trip to the store?", I asked.

Well, I am still waiting for the answer to that one, but after asking the question and driving back home I realized that as upset as I was, I could be thankful that if I couldn't access my money, neither could anyone else. At the very least I could be thankful for this technology that would have allowed such a precaution and with that thought in mind I got home. But above all things I just had to remember that God does make everything work together for good. "Everything" means EVERYTHING, every single little thing, including this silly night of mine.