The Perfect End for a Good Year

We woke up to a Winter Wonderland!
We had no power, but the scenery was breathtaking!
Hoy en la mañana despertamos a la belleza y la frescura de la nevada de anoche.
No había luz, ¡pero la vista estaba sencillamente fascinante!

Isn't this just beautiful? ... and the pictures don't do it justice!
¿No les parece precioso? ... ¡y eso que las fotos no le hacen justicia!

Adriana's most favorite activity in the snow... eating it!
La actividad favorita de Adriana en la nieve... ¡comérsela!

Making the girls' (and my) first snowman ever!
Hicimos el primer muñeco de nieve de las niñas (y mío también)

What he looked like in the end...
El producto final...

So, with no power for a good portion of the morning all the preparations for tonight's festivities have been pushed way off to a very, very late start. Who cares, though... we are only expecting people we love who won't mind mixing in with the last minute food prep and we squeezed the juices out of this gorgeous morning (and my sweet hubby) by giving the girls their most fun snow day ever. We made a snowman, we made tunnels in the pile of plowed snow, we took rides on the sled (...well, Ben did most of the work, the girls and I did most of the fun stuff) and wrapped it all off with hot chocolate, marshmallows and cookies!

Asi, sin luz una buena porción de la mañana, todos los preparativos para las festividades de la noche se súper atrasaron. Pero ¿qué importa? sólo esperamos ver aquí a gente querida a quien no le importará ser parte de los últimos detalles de la cocina. Además, le sacamos el jugo a esta hermosa mañana (y a mi dulce esposito) al darles a las niñas la mañana de mayor diversión en la nieve que jamás habían vivido. Hicimos un muñeco de nieve, hicimos túneles en la pila de nieve, nos deslizamos en el desnivel al lado de la casa (...bueno, Ben hizo todo el trabajo y las niñas y yo la parte de la diversión) y lo sellamos con broche de oro tomando chocolate caliente con angelitos y galletas!

Our Christmas in Pictures

I should begin by warning you: this will be very long, mostly because of the pictures...

Our Christmas Eve began like the previous years of marriage. My day went away cooking and prepping everything I could leave ready before heading out for candlelight service at church. So, with a chicken lasagna (my hubby´s special request for Christmas dinner this year) in the fridge and ready to bake, cinnamon rolls (our traditional Christmas morning early morning snack), and a few batches of rum logs (our thanks to dear friends) we headed out for church all decked out in pretty clothes.

The service was great and we had special fun as our candles couldn´t stay lit due to our daughters´excitement and eagerness to blow them out! You know, it was a celebration of Jesus´s (sp?) birthday, so after singing you just had to blow them out!

The fun part began after the service, though. Ben said we needed to go to some friends´house to pick up something he´d been trying to put together. See, in trying to bring me a taste of my Guatemalan tradition, he had been trying to get me fireworks. His original plan was to set them off in our property, but also in good keeping with Guatemalan tradition, we were invited in for some food and fellowship and ended setting off the fireworks at their house. Simply lovely!

We then came home and put little girls to bed after opening one gift... the rest is best explained by pictures:

This is Elena´s reaction upon realizing that there were actually more than two presents under the tree this morning. With everything going on this month, and Adriana (and a cat) to train about not opening gifts already sitting under the tree, we decided to leave only the first two gifts we´d already placed there. We kept telling her she´d get a chance to open lots of gifts on Christmas morning and by last night she was increasingly upset saying, "No, only TWO presents under the tree!!!" Hence this picture capturing her reaction upon finding so many more presents there this morning!

This is what the tree looked like this morning...

Little girls ready to open presents!!!
Elena, showing off her most special gift!

Adriana, posing with hers...

Our breakfast table... with a last minute bouquet made up with the flowers salvaged from an arrangement used in church this past week.

After our snack at home we headed off to Dad and Mom L´s for family Christmas with the Moores. Here a portion of the happy bunch ready to open away!

Elena, opening the doll Maama made for her...

Adriana, just showing her newest "smile"

Another view of the bunch and Elena getting a gift.

Adriana now shows off the doll Maama made for her.

And these next pictures, I just couldn´t resist. Elena got a kaleidoscope from the Moores and after Adriana saw everybody take a look at it, she decided to figure it out herself...

"It doesn´t seem to work on the nose...

...or the mouth...

I know it´s got to be somewhere on the face..."

And so, after a very full day we came back home... Elena is still a little puzzled that she didn´t give Jesus his birthday hug and we didn´t have cake, but quickly forgave the situation at the opportunity to play with all the toys. We are happy and thankful for a full life but above all things for the salvation that was made available to us on a day like today... Merry Christmas to all!

Massive picture update

Our cat. Got to give it to her... she has survived the girls' treating her like a doll, poor thing!Pretty in her Christmas dress and finally agreeing to pose for a picture!

Another one posing in her pretty Christmas dress. Notice that thanks to the cat (and Adriana) most of the ornaments are higher up in the tree.

Decorating Rum logsLoving the frosting!

This is better than putting it on the cookie!

Busy and happy girls

A little "package" we thought of sending for Christmas...How would they fit better?

Being silly

Guilty!

Do you wonder some time where kids come up with some of their attitudes?

Elena and I had this interaction the other day:

Me: "Elena, finish up your juice so I can wash the cup."
E: "huh?"
Me: "Drink up your juice, I need to wash the cup."
E: "huh?"
Me: "Sweetie, look at Mami... I need you to drink your juice before you leave the table."
E: "huh?"
Me: (beginning to feel aggravated and annoyed at her only response) "Elena, see your cup of juice? I need you to drink it all up so I can wash the cup!"
E: "huh?"

At this point, I just plain gave up as I knew if I got another "huh?" from her I was going to get upset. After about five minutes of silence and my mind already into something else:

E: "Mami?"
Me: "huh?"

Ouch! It immediately hit where she got that annoying little habit from!!!! And, since then I've been paying a bit more attention and realized where she is getting a lot of her little responses!!! Lord, please help me!

Way too cute!

This was way too cute to pass. The first one, Elena is singing the song "One way, Jesus!" (her version, anyway), but got more interested in seeing herself than in keeping up the singing (she is singing: "One way, Jesus! You're the only one that I could live for!"

The next one is at Derek and Heidi's, Reese was given this singing and dancing SantaClause that Adriana just couldn't stop dancing along with. It is a bit long, but I just couldn't stop she was so cute! At any rate, enjoy!

How blessed am I?

In my journey as a mom there have been times in which I've seen one of my daughters work herself into a frenzy after one of their requests has been denied. I can't tell you how much I wish I could get into their little minds and show them that I don't mean to torture them but I just love them so much, I know it is best for them not to get that thing just yet. Maybe I have already bought them that thing they're asking for and it's just not the time to get it yet. Maybe it's just that it'll be more hurtful than beneficial for them to get this one thing. Whatever the reason, I know they are too caught up in their emotions to understand my decision right now. I know that I love them deeply and I really, truly want the best for them and I can only wait until they are able to calm down so I can hold them, love on them and help them grow in understanding and obedience.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9

How could I doubt my Father? How could I doubt His love? How could I doubt His intentions for me? I am but a hopeless sinner with imperfect love, and I still act out of love upon my daughters' lives... How greater is His love than mine? I just can´t work myself into a frenzy and not try to listen and understand that He does know what is best for me and that I can rest in His perfect plans.

Let me count the ways I have seen His love during these times:

* Not only do I have a God who saved me, but He also takes care of me and constantly reminds me of His love. He didn't have to save me, to begin with, yet He takes the time to listen to the desires of my heart and lovingly carries me through this journey.

*My wonderful husband has held me, served me and cried with me as we go through this loss. Two cherished and precious little girls adorn my life with their presence and brighten my days with their love.

*We had him and her to hold our hands as we walked through the hardest stages as this process began. We were encouraged as we prayed and wept together, and as we knew what to expect and when.

*Thanks to her we had that cranberry bread that was on my list for Friday, we had a cozy Christmasy home to welcome us on Monday and we had a wonderful dinner last night.

*These two amazing ladies were the hands that actually made our home cozy and welcoming on Monday. It was so refreshing to come home and instantly have the to-do list scratched off to be able sit back, relax, process and grieve in a quiet, orderly, warm and loving atmosphere. Plus a third lady that I can not link you to as she is still absent from the cyber world (at least to my knowledge), a turkey dinner was ready to heat up and eat. We were also able to decorate our tree (finally) and still have cookies and pie as we did because of them.

*Thanks to her I had cookies to bring to our exchange last night as she packed up her little ones, left the comfort of her home and took the about-an-hour-thanks-to-the-weather-drive to keep me company and help me bake.

*Thank you, thank you, thank you each and every one of you who have lifted us up in prayer and have left your comments to our corresponding blogs, or have called us on the phone. You have no idea how much it has all meant to us! You have been instrumental in God's showing us His love!

"Made for Heaven"

Our baby # 3 was "made for Heaven". He was God's breath of life in my womb for just as many days as God would have him be and now he's gone back home.

When I was pregnant with Elena, we quickly began the name searching process. We didn't know what we were having, so we were looking for both a boy's and a girl's name. The girl's name came very easily, the boy's name took a little longer.

When I got pregnant with Adriana, the process took place again. Once more, we didn't know what we were having and the girl's name came rather quickly. The boy's name... we were still negotiating it as I was in labor and we were getting ready for the hospital!

Upon finding out I was pregnant this time, we immediately began our search. This time around, the boy's name came quickly and we never really settled with a girl's name.

Today, we have said good by to our little "Caleb Josué". He brought us joy and helped us grow as our faith was challenged. We believed for him even when the circumstances were yelling us not to and we are richer for that. My heart is broken, but I find comfort in the knowledge of the sovereignty of our Father. I have no doubt of His love, therefore I have no doubt there is purpose in this even when we don't understand it.

We didn't have an "unanswered" prayer, He simply knows something we don't know and His answers are based on such unsurmountable knowledge. We're focusing on the donation and not on the duration of this tiny little life and we are so grateful for it.

Thank you all for your support and all your prayers, they have truly carried us through. Please continue to carry us in prayer as we now find the grace to mourn and the strength to carry on.


P.S. In our grieving process and in trying to find closure to something that is so hard to fathom, we decided to give him a name. We stuck to our boy's name in keeping with the pattern that, we believe, may have been God's "hinting" to us the gender of our babies all along. We're not trying to be weird, we're just trying to mourn and heal, so please bear with us...

Before we leave...

We're getting ready to leave, but I didn't want to leave without updating you on where we're at. I have been spotting since yesterday. It has been slow, but steady. I don't know what it means, I don't even know that I am supposed to know what it means. All I know is that my Redeemer lives and His plans for me and mine are loving and perfect. So please pray for us this weekend. I'm emotionally exhausted and definitely running on empty. I know He likes empty, I know that is when He can work best, so I just surrender to that. My life and all its seasons is in His hands. He is my source, my strength, my peace and my comfort. All I want is His will in our lives.

One day at a time

Some days are easier than others. Today seems to be posing a bit of a fight.
**All the girls in this house did not stir until about 9 a.m.!!! Of course, I was one of those girls, so everything got pushed off.
**Because we came home so late last night, the kitchen wasn't clean; another delay in getting rolling with the day. So, no time to shower just wore whatever I could put together from the piles on the floor and began the mental plan for the day.
**The next threat of the day: spotting. I spotted this morning. No major bleeding, not even major spotting, but enough to shake our faith again.
**Our Christmas tree is sitting in the living room un-decorated. We decided not to buy a fresh one and use this one for the last time (hopefully) thinking it would be a smart budget move. So it's been put together for a few days now, but it is one of those pre-lit trees and, go figure, of all years this is the year where a whole section of the lights is not working.
**We are leaving town tomorrow. Ben has been looking forward for I don't even know how long to go to Rochester this weekend so he and Derek can drive to Buffalo and go watch their beloved Dolphins play the Bills.
**Heidi is ministering tonight locally, so we are going to see her. Another long awaited event that can't just be postponed. The only thing is that it means that all the house cleaning and packing needs to be done before the concert tonight.
**Very quickly all my visions of baking cranberry bread and getting my house pretty are vanishing as I realize how late it is and I don't even know where to start and I feel so exhausted all I want to do is crawl back in bed and go back to sleep!
HOWEVER, I must not, can not and will not forget that (as Smith Wigglesworth would say) "I am not moved by what I see or what I feel, I am moved by what I believe" and this is what I believe (well, one very tiny snippet of it, anyway):

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life—

for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever."
Psalm 138:8

Now, why all of these things had to be testing me today, is completely beyond me! And as I calm down Adriana who is crying and wanting to nurse every five minutes, and settle Elena who if not taking every possible toy away from Adriana is tormenting the cat, I look up to Him who is my only source... this too shall pass and is nothing in light of His glory and eternity with Him. It is just one day... one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time... more importantly, one prayer at a time!

My Runner

Did you know my husband has been running every day for the past month-and-a-half give or take? His goal is to run a marathon next year, so very dutifully he researched and studied and carefully mapped out his training. Now, for this first stage, he is only training to get in shape. I so admire his dedication! Every day, rain or shine, warm or cold he's out there. He dutifully times his every quarter of a mile, ices his knees regularly and continually increases his challenges.

I haven't told him this, mainly because we move at the speed of life and time eludes us for conversation at times... (you know, meaningful conversation), but I am so very proud of my man. When I see his dedication, his effort and his progress, and mostly because I know that the marathon is a goal, but his ultimate goal is keep himself healthy and in good shape for us.

A few weeks ago, he ran his longest challenge, all the way to his grandma's house (four miles, he regularly runs three). We were supposed to wait a certain amount of time and then drive there to wait for him and drive him home. He looked so good, out there running. It was pouring rain, yet his pace was steady. I actually kept driving back and forth a few times to make sure the girls got a real good look at my personal hero. He is an inspiration! And I just love him so!

Sick, but Happy!

I have what the girls just had... runny nose, stuffy head, headache, achy throat, etc. on top of that I can't really tell if there is morning sickness at all because all the symptoms I listed tend to make me feel like morning sickness anyway. However, every day that goes by and there is no bleeding is a happy day for this little family.

I have completely given up on trying to "interpret the signs", you know... all those little signals that are supposed to let you know that you are expecting. Everything is such a confusion with being so tired and sick that it is absolutely worthless.

But we are in a good place. There is peace and rest in knowing that it is in God's hands alone. I couldn't trust anyone else's hands more. Answering questions about it is not overwhelming at all, it is actually an exercise of faith as we hear ourselves state our stand. So, if you're not tired of hearing us (I should really say "me"), ask to your delight for it strengthens us to confess what we are walking and believing.

I have no words to thank you all for your support and your prayers! It is such a comfort to be a part of the body of Christ and know that we don't need to carry our burdens alone. Thank you so much for holding us in prayer. I can't even imagine going through this alone! Thanks for caring and loving us so!

This

would be my husband. He is playing King Herod in the Christmas play at church. What do you think?

When the rubber hits the road

We made a decision and now we get to walk it through. As I sat at the doctor's office and saw the little sac on the screen, for just a minute everything faded away... I could hear his voice explaining his opinion, but I was focused on the little sac I could see on the screen. I wanted to respond in faith, but didn't know how. Suddenly I realized the girls were off playing somewhere else in the room and Ben had been holding my hand. All I could hear in my heart was "God is bigger than this and there is a sac", that was all that mattered to me. Actually the doctor said "please call me with any questions you may have when you come out of the shock". I know I must have seemed shocked, in a way I was, but I just wanted to be cautious with my responses, after all, this is when the rubber hits the road. This man has heard us talk about God and our faith in Him, we have tried to be a witness of His love and His life and I wanted to keep it that way. I still wanted to honor Him in the midst of this confusion.

Fear is a very real thing. We knew we'd have to keep on making the decision of walking in the truth of our lives and not the reality on a daily basis. I've said to several people that if I have to make this decision every hour of every day until we have a confirmation of growth and healthy development I will still make it. Every hour of every day I will choose to believe for my baby and I've had to. Our doctor is not an alarmist, much less a fatalist. He doesn't deliver bad news unless he really, really deems it necessary, so that thought has popped in my mind more than a few times already, and we are only on the third day of the two weeks.

But God continues to remain faithful and I know that all the prayers of friends and family step in when we can't. In the end I find that in spite of the doubts, the questions, the waiting we have peace more than anything else. Scripture pops into my heart and I cling to that... I cling to my only hope and my only source. Some sleep would be nice (girls are sick again, so sleep has been scarce), but His grace and His mercy is new every morning and though I feel very "blah" His kingdom still is!