My baby needs me

I am awaken by the cry of Adriana and get out of bed in a hurry. I pick her up, take her pajamas off and bring her to bed with me, after all, this is the fifth time she has woken up tonight, it must be really, really late (or should I say, early). I settle her in bed and try to hurry before she wakes everybody else up. A quick glance at my nightstand clock... I squint a little harder to make sure I'm reading correctly. It is only 1:00 a.m. I say only because usually the "bring-her-to-bed-so-you-can-sleep-longer-part" doesn't come until about 3:00. Yeah, this is one of those nights. Every once in a while she gets into this little pattern of waking up almost every hour and this is the second night this week.

My sweet, sweet girl is 14 months old. She still nurses about every two hours at night time. I don't know if it is personality or that her little body still needs it but I truly am her pacifier and she still truly drinks when she nurses. At this age, Elena was weaned... On the one hand, I was already pregnant with Adriana, but then again, she has always been a little less attached to me than Adriana. She also nurses often during the day.

Now, I'd be lying if didn't admit to the fact that night time can be really hard. I really like to sleep, especially at night time when I've spent my day seeing to my family's need and my body is aching for a bed. So I don't particularly enjoy that since Adriana was born I don't think I've gotten more than 3 hours straight. During those lonely, dark hours I usually have this conversations with the Lord... Is she ok, Lord? Is she ever going to wean? I mean, I could really use a full night of sleep here and there, you know. Am I doing something wrong? This couldn't be bad for her, could it? and then I check to make sure she is cool enough, warm enough, comfortable enough, whatever-else-I-can-think-of enough, tuck her in her crib and go back to bed just to turn and do it again in no more than two hours.

But then, at the same time, somewhere in between my mind wanderings I stop, look at her and think: My, oh my, she still needs me. My hand touches her soft little feet, even in the darkness I can see her precious, delicate features and her little hand finds its way under my shirt looking for the warmth of skin. Those few minutes, when I finally make the voice of my mind stop complaining and appreciate what these quiet little moments can be all about, I am blessed. My baby still needs me and I can soothe her... what else can I ask for? These nights will soon be gone, she will be on to new stages of her little life and I will be missing this season...