Slipping Away

On my way to a lunch date with my very own Pastor Ben, I got a call from my mother.

"Call me when your date is over... Would you?"  (She didn't sound so well)

"What's going on?  Is everything ok?"

"Just call me after your date."

"Why?"

"I don't want to ruin your date"  (as if I would be able to get it off my mind after that!)

"You already did, just tell me now."

"Well... it's Mamita Zoila (she didn't really give in that easily, my Mom... it took more convincing but, you get the picture).  She is not doing well...  you need to be prepared for "the" phone call,  it maybe sooner than we all anticipated"

Mamita Zoila is my Dad's mom.  My grandmother. She is 97 (?) years-old, though if you asked her she'd tell you she is 1,500.  She has enjoyed of impecable health but her body and mind have been deteriorating with time.  We have had a few scares here and there, but she always pulls through.  This, my mom says, is the first time the Doctor officially states it to be "the beginning of the end".  Of course, God alone is sovereign to know the exact time of when a life begins or the moment that it ends.  They can not tell how long she could be in this last pull.

"Her mind is fading away... Some times she recognizes us, some times she doesn't.  She says see's a door and a white path...  She wants someone to take her towards the path...  She wants to go through the door... 'Just push me in through the window' she told your aunt the other day"

I hear my mom's words... think a thousand thoughts... out the corner of my eye I see fields, cars, buildings rolling by... my mind whirls with countless more thoughts... I don't have a passport... we can't afford tickets right now...  Little Ben doesn't have a passport... Elena's passport expires in January...  Can we even afford two passports right now?  Could we even buy one ticket?

"She is not sleeping well...  She hardly eats anything...  She cries, sometimes screams...  They can't give her anything to help her sleep... it's like sometimes she is ready and some others her soul is in turmoil... she is beginning to ask to see everyone... they think this is goodbye"

"She's lost... her soul is lost... someone needs to get her to that path... someone needs to take her heart's hand and guide her to that door... I need to help her spirit through...  How, dear God, how?

"I just wanted you to know... to be prepared, however you need to be... there is no telling how long..."

We got off the phone and all these thoughts were swirling in my mind.  When will God take her?  There is no telling.  No one knows.  Oh, how I wish I could just transfer us all there and be of help.  Help my aunts take care of her.  Read the stories hidden within the many folds of her wrinkles and appease her soul with a prayer... hold her hand and whisper Truths of God's love for her soul into her ear... If I only weren't so far away!!! 

Oh to be by her bedside! ...to hold her weak frame and look into the windows of her soul, those little eyes of hers that have seen history happen... she may not remember me, but I know her.  She may not notice me, but she could feel HIM...  she may not recognize me but she could definitely feel His love, her soul could recognize it... her heart could hear the voice of her Maker.  oh, to hold her little hand and whisper prayers to her heart... to soothe her like she did her babes in times past...

Please, know she is well taken care of, she is loved and in the best hands she could be.  His hands first, those of her daughters next, but she is slipping away and I am not there...  and while we both breathe, so far from each other I am reminded by the still voice in my heart that He is still in control.  My loving Father has us all in His hands, His love is perfect, His mercies everlasting and His will is sovereign... nothing escapes Him.  I am where He wants me to be, she is where He wants her to be and it should all be well...

it must...

it will...