Blurry

These first few days at home with our baby boy have been blurry. Not because of sleepless nights due to night feedings but because the cold I caught a little over a week before going into labor was already becoming something else when I did go into labor. Upon getting back home from the hospital, the headache got worse and the pressure and congestion kept increasing in my head. At any rate, this morning I couldn't even move without feeling as though my eyes were going to pop out! So I had to go to the doctor's today and had to go on antibiotics to treat a sinusitis and rhinintis. I can tell you though:

:: We are so blessed with our little man. He is so perfect and awesome. I just met him and now my time is consumed with discovering him... discovering who he is, how he is... it is so fascinating to have a new little person to love.

:: We are also extremely blessed and grateful for how the girls have reacted to him.

:: Elena is such a big sister and wants to hold him constantly. She is so proud of him and when asked his name she proudly exclaims: "BEN!". When we brought him from the hospital she said: "Mami, is he going to stay with us for a while?" and when I said "Sweetie, he is staying with us forever" her face lit up with the widest smile I have ever seen.

:: Adriana has reacted beautifully to having a little brother. She constantly touches his face, ever so tenderly, and kisses him. Today when we were getting back from my doctor's appt. she asked immediately where the baby was. Upon realizing he was on the car seat, she began taking the blankets off him and she must have heard something because she immediately exclaimed: "Mami, the baby went kinkies (stinkies) you have to change his diaper!" then she ran off. I had just sat at the table when she began bringing me, one by one, every single thing she thought I needed to do the task!

And so, we are loving and enjoying this season even with all the challenges we've encountered around it. Lord knows I'll treasure these days with all my heart!

The Little Man

Benjamin Paul Levendusky Jr.

More pics and details coming up, as soon as we get a little bit more settled!

40 weeks

I've reached the "magic due date". Allegedly I am turning 40 weeks pregnant today and there are very slim signs of a baby making the awaited appearance. I am ok, though. Yes, a little uncomfortable, yes a little bored since there is really so little to do when you're on a tight budget and it is so cold out and you have a cold yourself but I'm ok.

These are challenging times, indeed, in many more ways than one... from swinging moods to keep in check to realizing that life doesn't go on hold to wait for me to have a baby but that I still need to continue to keep this home in the midst of the waiting it has proven to be quite challenging. Granted, a lot of the physical tasks of the home keeping have gone to my mom, who gladly does it even better than me. But none of that takes away the fact that this is my kingdom and I am the one who needs to keep it. So I am busy making provisions for little girls to be entertained when I'd rather be sleeping, making meal plans that would stretch our provision even further than it is already, and then deciding what can occupy myself with that is not going to tire me out and still rest enough to allow for my body to fully recover from this cold and prepare for labor.

In becoming a mom, I am not spared the privileges and responsibilities of being a wife, a mom to two other little girls, a hostess, a child of God and in the whirlwind of emotions that hormones can foster I have the resources to find it to be well with my soul... all I need is to tap into them. Stay tuned for news!

39 weeks

This (above) is 39 weeks pregnant with this baby. Below is 39 weeks with Adriana... what do you think, bigger? lower? I'm an awful judge myself, b/c every time I feel bigger than the last.

I'm being watched...

I wish I could say I'm being watched "as a flower about to bloom" yet I find it more to be "as a bomb about to explode." It feels as though what I wished to be a peaceful or inspiring process is intense and sensitive instead. I'm on the 39th week and finding that even when I think I am somewhat able to keep a quiet and pleasant attitude that seems to be the farthest thing from reality. I come across as short tempered, and snappy regardless of what I consider my greatest efforts. Just another reminder of how I can't do life without Him.

Circumstances aren't really what we were hoping or even expecting for this season and I have found myself complaining more than I'd like to be. In the middle of this most joyous time of life temptation to focus on everything else but the joy is so great I need to constantly remind myself where my source is and where my confidence should be.

At the same time I find that as much as I anticipate meeting this new little person, holding them in my arms and revel in the newness of life I also want to enjoy this waiting season because time goes so fast, children grow too quickly and these seasons are over far too soon to my liking. So here I am, trying to sort through emotions, situations and circumstances to find my portion, my peace and my joy... it is being definitely more challenging than I wanted or expected!

While we wait...

A lot of this is going on around here (not exactly proud of how much TV we're watching but I can't deny I really enjoy both girls wanting to constantly snuggle with their currently-feeling-like-a-beached-whale-mother!) :

...and a little bit of this (I don't think I need to reveal the author of the artwork...) :

38 weeks

I can't believe how close we are to getting to know this new little person... in some ways I can't wait: I can't wait to find out if we're having a boy or a girl, I can't wait to hold them and snuggle with them, I can't wait to see the girls excited about the new sibling. At the same time, I don't want to see this time go, I am trying (really trying) to savor moments with the girls as I know for a while I'll have to be a bit more consumed with the little person.

I say trying because I'm running so low in energy. I simply can't believe how slow every movement feels and how exhausted I get after one simple task. Staying active has proved to be quite the effort lately. So very, very slowly I'm moving towards the end of this pregnancy, fighting the crankiness that comes with it and trying to stay busy, at least keep my mind busy.

What's in a name... This time around we decided to keep to ourselves the name options we were to consider and was it a wise decision. We have gone back and forth SO much this time that it is unbelievable. Boy or Girl? What do you think?

So far...

:: My Mom is here, half full of energy to work, half already exhausted by little girls who want to spend every single moment of every 24 hours with her.

:: Mom L is back and though she has to begin work tomorrow it is relieving to know her home (sorry Andrea, I know you must be missing her awfully!!!)

:: Laundry is about one load to be caught up and that includes one load of every neutral baby onesie, outfit, blanket, plus the car seat cover and moses basket sheets. Tomorrow, the little makeshift dresser will be stocked up with said baby clothes and the basket will be placed next to our bed so the girls begin to get used to having it there.

:: An exhaustive grocery shopping trip took place today so as to try and cover major needs for the event of an early arrival... I am not expecting it to happen, but it doesn't hurt to be ready.

:: Little diapers (disposables, no budget at this time to begin the cloth experiment) are now awaiting a sweet little person to start filling them up, all thanks to Aunt Bean!!!

:: Lists are being made to make sure nothing is forgotten these next few upcoming events.

:: I am 37 weeks pregnant!

Here we are

I can´t tell you how many times I have attempted to write here only to hit a block. I don´t know what to say... partly because I am so absent minded, partly because I´m so emotionally loaded I don´t even seem to know where my triggers are.

What I can say is that at least my down times are spent sitting on the couch with little girls climbing all over me which, except for the times when they climb on my belly, I thoroughly enjoy.

Other than that, a few shopping trips here and there to begin preparing what I need to pack for the hospital, going through newborn clothes and washing them, setting up the moses basket next to my bed so the girls can familiarize with it and not climb on it once there is a new little person in it, and wait.

I am setting my mind to go past my due date like the last time, however, everyone seems to have a hard time believing that my due date is not until Nov. 22. So I am slowly getting ready just in case these contraction spells that have already begun are a little bit more than just warming up.

With that, I will go... before my mind wanderings take me down too much senseless thoughtless ramblings...

36 Weeks

I am on the 36th week of this pregnancy. I am carrying this baby so low that hardly anyone believes me when I tell them I still have 4 weeks to go (at least until my estimated due date). But here we are, believing that at least I will stay pregnant until Saturday that my mom comes home (coincidentally, Mom L. will be back that weekend too). Based on my previous pregnancies, I am not expecting to go before my due date, but it wouldn't hurt to be prepared just in case this would be an early arrival.

So in getting ready I have tons of things in my mind. Lists of things I'd like to accomplish before the baby comes, how I want to approach Holiday shopping when I have no budget for it right now (our budget was cleaned out by an unexpected car repair), how I want to foresee entertainment for the girls while we're in the hospital (they will at least visit one day and it will probably be for a few hours, so the better prepared we are the better), etc. All of this while being as absent minded as ever! I keep forgetting what I went into rooms for, leaving food that I intended to reheat (and eat) in the microwave until the next day, and as soon as I am full of energy and feel as though I will conquer the world, I realize how unrealistic that attempt was or a nerve on my leg will get pinched and I won't be able to move for the next while.

Then there is the overall preparation to receive this next little person and make the necessary adjustments as our family grows and hosts another little family at the same time.

I've heard people say that the hardest transition is from one to two babies, others claim that it is from two to three because at this point there are more children than adults in the clan. Going from one to two proved to be quite challenging for us, so I wonder... how do we handle this one? Any advice, seasoned Moms out there?

My Girls

::Adriana gave us quite the scare this week when she fell off the bed. At first she cried right away, but then she just stayed there, on the floor, white as a ghost, little eyes closed. I woke her up and she was so limb and weak and all she wanted to do was sleep, so we kept her up all the way to the ER. You will never know how long that ride felt! Thank God, by the time the doctor made his way to check on her she was happily blowing bubbles, had recovered her color and was willing to move around like her normal little self.

But that's our Adriana, fearless... she climbs on anything and everything she can. Her favorite places in the world are Daddy's shoulders and Mami's side. She loves sleeping and cuddling with us and she'd do it all the time if we'd only let her! She's my little "melancholic"... loves to sing, loves to dance, has the hardest time coping with changes or things not going her way, so she seems to be sad most of the time. When she is in a good mood, though, she is the sweetest, most loving, and affectionate little person in the world. She bestows the tightest squeezes and juiciest kisses there can be. And she is going to be a big sister soon...

:: Elena, makes us laugh and life with her is very fun. Just on Sunday she excitedly came to us saying: "Daddy, Mami, listen... I am E - le - na... see!!! I am not 'nena' anymore! I can say E-le-na!!" She was so thrilled at her accomplishment. She is very thorough in the things she enjoys like puzzles, drawing letters, and coloring. All of a sudden she is so grown and is such a great little helper. I realize I have to remind myself to catch up with her maturity in some areas and her increasing ability to be helpful as well. She is also far more aware of so many things that we can imagine. A couple days ago she said to me: "Mami, when you push the baby out, maybe you will cry a little and I will say 'oh, it's ok, Mami' and rub your back, then we will hold your baby and she will cry and I will say 'oh, it's ok, sweetie, your Mama is here'" Now, we have been saying things here and there in an attempt to prepare them both for the new arrival, but never did I expect for her to nail it so right on and involve herself in the actual process of the baby's birth!

She is my night owl, understands far more Spanish than she leads to believe and has her daddy's sweet tooth!

I am so blessed by my two girls, even when their ages and stages pose the challenges they do. They are the sweetest, most loving, most beautiful little girls and can't wait to meet this third little person. I do get scared, at times, when I realize the work, sacrifices and challenges ahead, but when I weigh them in light of the joy they bring I know it will all be alright!

For fun

Book Meme

I'd never heard of this before but I, too, got tagged so here it goes:

From Spiritual Midwifery, Ina May Gaskin, p.56

"As the moments ticked by and the ambulance got closer and closer, we had a sterile birth pack up there, the room changed, and all the visitors were gone. All of a sudden, just before the ambulance came, it all settled down. It felt like turbulence turning into a peaceful tool. The ambulance pulled right around to the back room, and the midwives helped the laboring mother right into the bedroom."

Instructions:

Grab the nearest book.

Open to page 56.

Find the fifth sentence.

Post the text of the next two to five sentences on your blog, along with these instructions.

Don't dig for the coolest book, or most intellectual book, or your favorite book--pick the closest book.

Tag five more people.

I tag: Brietta, Melanie, Darlene, Danica (only if you find a couple minutes before the new baby arrives!), and Becky

A shout out!

We are getting ready for the season ahead of us and my list of upcoming events includes, but is not limited to, my mom's arrival; a little surprise "shower" for Susi with her husband's family traveling from different states; our baby's arrival; Susi's mom's arrival; the possibility of my dad and brothers coming in for Christmas; Susi's husband's arrival; and Susi's baby's arrival... all of that in addition to the regular demands of life.

Our preparation has us thinking logistics, how we can provide comfortable accommodations without breaking our budget, mainly. I thought of "shouting out" for some help in procuring some items we may need. If you had any of the following to lend, sell or give away, we would be very grateful:

One or two nightstands,
an area rug (12" x 12")
a couple throw rugs (any size) or hallway rugs
a book shelf or small dresser
lamps for said night stands
a free standing screen (to provide a sense of privacy for a sleeping space)

If you have any of these items and would like to lend a hand, please let me know!
Thanks!

34 weeks

These is what we're looking like at 34 weeks! Ben posed as well...

Blueberry muffins

All the meetings this week have thrown our regular schedule off and we´ve been having late nights, late mornings, late naps, etc. However, that little disarray served a wonderful purpose this morning. For the first time in months, and months, and months, I was able to actually open my eyes before any other member of this little family.

That led the way for blueberry muffins to be made before they were downstairs and even earned me a "Mami, you´re the best for making these!" from Elena (then again, who can go wrong with blueberry muffins?).

So it was a happy, although late, morning in this home!

P.S. Thank you all for your encouraging comments on my last post... yeah... this pregnant woman is going through some hormonal ups and downs! Thanks for your love and understanding!

Unsophisticated me

Here I am... sorry about the unannounced absence. We had three days of fasting and prayer at church in preparation for some special meetings with Pastor Charlie Sweet this weekend. I can't really fast that much food, so I "fasted" internet, among other things. We are very excitedly looking forward to this weekend's meetings.

:: I've been asked about the ticker on my blog. I don't know what happened but it sort of got stuck on 19 weeks about two months ago and I've unsuccessfully tried everything to restore it, but it always comes back in as 19 weeks. So, If I can't get a newer one, I'll have to keep track of the pregnancy the old-fashioned way: I am 33 weeks along. Thanks for your interest!

:: Every once in a while I look at older pictures (aka pictures of my life as a single, children-less woman) and I wonder if I am being unfair to my husband and children as we; all wonder where that woman went. In my way through marriage and motherhood I have lost several habits I used to have. Some are justified (at least in my mind) some have simply slipped away from me. I know I've blogged about this before... I've mentioned how there used to be a time when I wouldn't even consider leaving home without makeup, where I'd make sure my hair was styled, my clothes carefully chosen and matched, etc.

Among the justified changes: When I have a newborn, especially, I ditch the lipstick, the wristwatch and perfumes on purpose. The lipstick because I keep kissing that little tiny face and don't want to leave any residue on the sweet baby; the wristwatch because I don't want to hurt the babe when I shift them from arm to arm, car seat, moses basket, etc.; and the perfume because I don't want to overwhelm that new baby with the strong scent of a perfume. Then come the comfortable shoes to make life after a toddler easier on my feet; the more simple outfits that won't mind smudges of sticky fingers, food stains and other incidents that happen when you live life with little ones.

Then, among those that have simply slipped away are the styling of the hair... I just don't have the time to blow dry my hair every single time; etc., etc., etc. Then there is the money you need to spend in order to keep up with hair styles, clothes, make up... it is expensive to look sharp all the time! I have become so "unsophisticated" not to say plain... am I doing my family a disservice? Do I look as frumpy as I feel, especially when I compare myself to my "old" self and/or I get someone like Susi living with me who spends so much time doing her hair, and nails, and make up, and her husband isn't even here to see her right now!

Oh well... I suppose it is another one of those seasons we have to go through... right?

Today

Due to Elena's medicine (which, happlily, she will be done with tomorrow!) she has had a hard time sleeping. My poor sweet girl, not only she already struggles with wakeful hours every so often but now is having the hardest time going to sleep and staying asleep long enough. It hasn't been uncommon during these 10 days of medicine for me to come out of the bathroom in one of my many trips during the night to walk by their bed and see her wide eyed little face looking at me (because no remodeling has been done upstairs, we still have to walk through their room to go in and out of ours). Bless her little heart, she'll stay there trying to go back to sleep for who knows how long. Last night was one of those and it was past midnight when she finally fell asleep. I didn't sleep to well last night either, so at about 7:00 a.m. Ben woke me up to let me know he'd be going downstairs to work on his message for Saturday night. He gave me a kiss and quietly left the room, I drifted back to sleep in the hopes of sleeping a little longer as I realized I had a headache.

Next thing I knew, Ben was back on the side of the bed, waking me up again with a smiling Adriana in his arms. As Adriana threw her arms at me Ben told me that she had already had breakfast and that he needed to leave for the office. "What?!" I vaguely remember Adriana's little hand stroking my face and telling her that I wasn't feeling too well, could we go back to sleep for a little longer... I have no idea when she got out of bed and how she managed to make enough noise for Ben to come get her without my waking up. So Elena and I rolled out of bed at about 9:30!!!

In spite of having forgotten that I had to take Susi to get her hair cut and having had to get the girls ready and out in a hurry, I managed to accomplish a few things. I cleaned my kitchen, got dinner for tomorrow started in the crock pot, baked an apple pie, and almost finished the countdown calendar I'm working on to get the girls (more) excited about my mom's coming. The girls' room still awaits some serious work (that's why I haven't showed any pictures of the new beds) but as pregnant as I am, I don't envision finishing it before next week is over.

Well, thanks for letting me ramble!

Please pray

Many times during the day, as I feel this baby move inside of me, I remember them. My heart breaks as I can't even imagine going through such an ordeal and my prayers are for the overshadowing peace of God to cover them and minister them through it all. Please pray for them even if you don't know them!