For many days...

I have wanted to sit down and write to you.  There is so much in my mind, so much in my heart and so much in my plate that it is hard to find the clarity and the time to write.  It probably won´t be as poetic and eloquent as I wished it would be, but this is it.  I am going to let the world around me unravel and try to collect my thoughts in a logical manner.   I will attempt to convey them in a sensible way in the midst of tying up balloons for three little people and settling the fights ensuing among them.  Bear with me.

At some point in my life I came to a fork on my proverbial road.  I had to choose.  My choice was whether to leave or to stay.  An adventure was before me that promised to change my life forever, with new places, new people, new life.  The only problem was that it promised to change my life forever.  However, I needed a change.  I didn´t need a change of all that I loved, mind you, it was a change of "circumstances".  I could change my "circumstance"of being single to that of being married.  

I don´t need to tell you what I chose, as it is obvious, the point that I want to share is how making that choice brought a load of mixed emotions.  Mine is the only wedding where I have seen people cry as though they were in a funeral!  See, I had weighed the cost of my decision and I was soberly walking it out.  I would grieve my loss in the midst of celebrating my marriage.  What I was realizing was the price that I was asking everyone else to pay for my decision.  So many of my loved ones did not ask to give me up, yet here they were being forced to do it.  My husband felt horrible.  Those I left behind were left to mourn their loss, while I mourned mine without making my husband think that I was/had changed my mind in the process.  Do you know how hard it is to take your new husband´s hand, and walk into your new destiny looking into his adoring eyes all full of love, promise and excitement while yours are all swollen  and tear shut?  The poor guy!  While on the one hand all my dreams were becoming a reality, on the other hand I was mourning.  And I could never underestimate the pain I was causing with my leaving.  It is a decision that I would make the same way a thousand times, but I must say that it still hurts today.

Once again I´m brought to a similar place, this time it is a family affair.  Simply put, a change of circumstances is required of us in obedience to a call:  The Call, His Call.  We are moving.  I know many of you know it already as we have been talking about the possibilities for several months.  For those of you who didn´t know, this has been a process.  We have learned so much through this season and I will continue to share more details as we walk things through.   On March 1st we´re supposed to call another town home.

We have weighed the cost of this move for us, we are soberly walking it through as we try to teach our children how to balance the emotions involved.  We embrace the excitement of what´s ahead of us, but we suffer the loss of those we leave behind.  How exactly does one do that?  How do you "go home" when going home means leaving home?  How many homes can a person have?  More importantly, how do we ask those we love to pay the price for something they didn´t ask?

So we pray for wisdom, as much relational as practical in this new transition of ours.  We want to honor all those we love both here and where we´re going and don´t exactly know how.  We don´t take lightly the sadness we´re causing, and we wouldn´t do it deliberately were God´s leading not as clearly involved as it has been.  He alone can make these things happen and He alone can bring the perfect peace and joy that can balance the emotional world.  

Stay tuned for updates... I´ll try to keep them coming often!