...must a mother die to herself? I often wonder about this, I think about it when I have to leave the shower half way through to get Elena out of some kind of mischief she figured out. I think about it when a whole morning has gone by and I haven't been able to use the bathroom because Adriana refuses to let go of me. I think about it when my meal is cut short by a little girl's urgent need, and I especially think about it during the eternal nights I sometimes seem to face.
Last night was one of those. Adriana is cutting a tooth and to add to her discomfort she has a cold, so do I (have a cold, I'm not cutting teeth mind you). We didn't go to bed until about 11 p.m. and by 1 a.m. I just moved to the couch downstairs with her as I realized we were just going to wake Ben and Elena up. From there on my sleep was limited by Adriana's discomfort and my own. Today I am exhausted, feel like throwing up with all the coughing. If it were up to me I'd sleep but my two girls need me and I have no choice but to "tough it up ". The kitchen is dirty, so are the bathrooms, our beds are undone and I'm sure I must look awful but dread looking in the mirror.
But I realize that however sick or tired I may feel, one of their smiles is all it takes for me to find some strength within me. They are so precious! It is just amazing how powerful the sound of their laughter is. I could spend hours just watching them interact and make each other laugh!
The other day we were in the bathroom upstairs and as I came out of the shower I noticed Elena sitting on her "potty", holding a book in her lap. Of course she was fully dressed, there is no other way she'll sit there. What caught my attention though was how many used dryer sheets were on the floor next to her. I went to pick them up and put them in the trash when she stopped me and put them in what she considers their rightful place! I don't know for how long she's been fishing those things from the garbage and storing them in her potty seat. When she goes to sit on it she piles them up at her feet and when her little game is over she proceeds to "wipe herself" with the sheets and put them back inside the potty!
On the other hand, Adriana will cry and crawl through the room just to put on the best and widest of her smiles when I bend down to pick her up. Speaking of her, she will soon have to be transfered from her little basket to the crib. It's not that she has outgrown the basket at all, but she is now standing and is so quick to move around that she wakes up and stands in the basket. So that would probably be my cue to put her in the big crib, at least for the couple hours a night she sleeps by herself.
And so it is that I am sick and tired and my house is a mess. We were supposed to go grocery shopping today but that's not going to happen, thus I have no clue as to what my family will eat today but I am happy and blessed.
2 comments:
Oh Keila! I know how you feel! God is gracious to you to give you such good perspective and such great love for your girls in the midst of trying moments.
I think it sounds like a take-out night to me. ;)
Love you and hope all are feeling well and getting rest SOON.
Speaking of little kids, I have "Story Hour" at the end of each month. "Story Hour" is when I read a few books to the little kids in church & then afterwards they may play with Play-Doh or a puzzle while the pastor is giving the message. Well, the last week of February with the children had been a nightmare for me! GRRRR!
:-Z One little boy about three wanted his daddy....(which happens to be our youth pastor) so he decided to dart off into the sanctuary to his parents! This has never happened before with me! I was SO embarrassed! His father had came in and told me not to hesitate to speak firmly to him. Trust me, I'll be better prepared for next time! Believe me! ::Sigh::
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