*Edit* Since I wrote that earlier, we´ve been doing better. I´ll give it a try and keep Elena awake all day long in the hopes that she´ll be ready to go to bed at bedtime. In the process of it all last night it hit me that she may just be as full of energy as her dad and could live through the day without a nap. That may make bedtime easier on an everyday basis.
On another note, how can anybody´s heart stay discoraged when you have a Father who lavishes upon you so much and a husband who is ever thinking of you... I just got a knock on the door and a lady from our church delivered some beautiful roses on behalf of my husband. He had called her and asked her to do that for him. She accompanied the flowers with her description of how precious she can tell I am for my husband as her own eyes welled up with tears... I am crying again, but feeling much better. How sweet is my husband and just how perfectly awesome is my Father?!
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Trust me, I do. With all my heart!!! So, could anyone help me understand why yesterday (last night especially) was so difficult? I have been able to go through Elena´s will fights so calmly and collected all this time, not last night though. Last night I was getting angry at her! Angry at her fighting so stubbornly to go to sleep! Angry at not being able to do any better in minding them both by myself! Angry at finally managing to put the little one down to go literally takcle the other one just to have her start crying and waking up the little one again. I started the bedtime routine with a bath for Elena, knowing she´d love it and would probably put her in the mood for bed. By 8.15 I was ready to put her down, I nursed the baby, bundled her on the couch right next to me so I could hold Elena and have her go to sleep. Elena played with my hair, my nose, my eyes and as delighted as I could be by her ability to recognize them I kept reminding her to close her eyes and go to sleep. I will spare you the details and just tell you that by 10 p.m. I was upstairs in their bedroom trying to calm a screaming three-month-old and almost laying on top of a toddler to make sure she stayed in bed. More times than I can count both of them were crying very loudly and I finally got in bed with a still awake Adriana at 11. I feel so disappointed at myself. I cried, through it, after it and this morning I´ve still found myself crying. Ben won´t be back until Saturday night and I really want to be the Mom that can put her babies down peacefully and joyfully! I want to bless him that way, I want to bless them that way, and more importantly, I want to honor Him that way... I just don´t know how... Please pray for grace for tonight... I know that it may sound silly as so many of you, wonderful mothers out there handle more little ones than I do, but please pray for this little house, we will need your prayers today.
P.S. Yeah... did I mention that I haven´t showered?
5 comments:
Dear, sweet Keila... May His grace be amazing to you today, and for the rest of the weekend. And I know that you're a blessing to him, them, and Him. I know it!
...and I'm definitely going to stay tuned to read the comments you get. If you don't mind, maybe I'll get to learn a little through your experience!!
We all love you so much way up here in Northern New York, and your babies are so precious. I hope you get some wonderful moments with them while Daddy is gone!
Lord... give Keila wisdom that can only come from You....I will pray for a better night for you and your daughters...peace and many blessings to you ....
My brother is so blessed to have you. We all are actually. I love you a lot and I hope things are getting better.
You are such a good mom, Keila! Trust me... you are not the only one who has had such moments!! One of the shocking things about motherhood has been the varying emotions I can feel in such a short time: irritation, happiness, frustration, uselessness, pleasure. But the beautiful thing about motherhood is knowing that He has such grace for me in every minute, and that His grace is big enough to use even the "not good" stuff in me to draw my children closer to Himself.
At any rate, Ben loves you dearly and the pressure you feel to be "one of those wives" is not from him, I'm guessing. I am like you, and in my mind I see what I want to be, so I get frustrated when I fall short. Often, my goals need to be adjusted. The kids and I all being dressed and fed is an accomplishment! I ought not underestimate the difficulty of such a task some days!!!!
Keep loving those girls, in their lovely and ugly moments. They are so blessed to have you as their mother.
I think ALL kids go through these similar phases/stages some way or another! I am certainly guilty for driving MY mother bananas with catchy phrases such as, ahem-- "Can I have another glass of water?" (in other words, just basically stalling or dilly dallying). BTW-- I have no clue if the spelling for that word/expression is actually correct....hahahaha! Yep, this too shall pass, my friend! Oh, and who expects you to have time to take a shower! You poor thing! You are SOOOO busy! But be sure you take one before Ben gets home though....lol! You don't wanna chase him outta the house! Hahahaha! Blessings!
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