There´s reality... and then there is truth

We had a much awaited doctor´s appointment today and left with more questions than answers...

Reality is:

Although the doctor found a sac, the numbers don´t make sense. The sac measures only three to five weeks when I am supposed to be about eight weeks pregnant. His "gut feeling", as he puts it, is that though a pregnancy took place, it must have stopped and now my body is getting ready to expel it. He hopes he is wrong, but he just can´t find any other explanation. He asked that we come back in two weeks for another test to see where things are at.

Truth is:

God is sovereign. He is God over my womb and our baby´s life. He is the author of life. He alone has the power to give it or take it away.

We haven´t lost this baby until we lose this baby.

Although we respect our doctor and heed his advice we don´t look to his knowledge or his experience (or his gut) for our answers, we look up to our heavenly Father for our answers.

There is a sac however old it may be... in the end, life doesn´t have to make sense in the eyes of science, it only has to make sense in the eyes of the Lord.

The eyes of the Lord are on this little baby and we will stand and believe for life until and unless God directs us otherwise. Life is a miracle and we are now standing on miracle ground. If the time for mourning comes, I trust and rest in the knowledge that our Father shall give us the grace to walk it through, but we know in our hearts this is not such a time. So until God tells us otherwise, we will continue to celebrate life...

Can you please pray with and for us as we walk out these next few weeks?

Little girl things...

Unlike her, I don´t have sisters. I totally love my brothers, but they are boys... so it really blesses me when I see my girls interact and be friends. I am so blessed they have each other!





On another note, this really hit home. Especially because we find ourselves in little arguments that play out a little like this (names have been avoided to protect the individuals... ha,ha,ha) :

Parent: "Sweetie, lay down here on the couch, I am going to change your diaper."
child: "No, on the floor"
Parent: "I said on the couch"
child: "Houd on, I have to lay on the floor"

...and so it starts. Now, it is not a matter of where the diaper gets changed, in the end, that is really not important. But it is a matter of controlling and my sweet little child is trying to have control over the situation... "yes, I will obey, but under my own terms". But when I am closing in to second guessing myself, something like this post comes along to remind me that it is all about Him, and only Him. In the end, He has equipped us to be our daughters´parents and we have to believe that He has imparted the wisdom and grace required for such task.

Now on a more lighter note, I couldn´t go on without a couple more pictures of the artistic skills of my household...

My amazing husband materialized the idea I presented to him for our Thanksgiving table center pieces. Aren´t they cool? Of course, I forgot to take pictures of our dressed up tables and I forgot to light them when we sat at the table, but it did look pretty!

At the beginning of the month, we went to a family party and I walked away the winner of the flower arrangement that decorated our table. I set it on our kitchen counter only to find a few moments later, that a little girl had taken it apart to re-arrange it in her own style in the glass I was drinking water from. Didn´t she do a good job, though?

The happiest

4 years,

48 months of friendship,

1,460 days of love,

35,040 hours of unspeakable romance, laughters, tears (and a few fights to spice things up)

two amazing little girls,

one tiny little miracle nestled in my womb,

innumerable memories,

What else can anyone ask for?

Four years ago began a journey that I never imagined could be so rich and so full. Four years ago I married the man who jumped off a bridge for me. Four years ago I was full of dreams and expectations. Today he has become the love of my life, my hero, my best friend, the man of my dreams. Happy Anniversary, Honey!

Authority

I´ve been listening to these teachings on authority and once again been confronted with so many truths that we just tend to overlook. How many times do we sit at home and openly discuss our "opinions" about leaders in our lives (teachers, pastors, law enforcers, etc.). We forget that God instituted authority for our own protection. We forget that He respects the authority He has appointed. We forget that He moves in authority. And we unconsciously (or not) plant seeds of rebellion in our own children and then wonder about their attempts at "bending the rules", or blatantly disobey. What have they been seeing in us?

It happens so frequently: You are driving above the speed limit and suddenly see what looks like a State Trooper ahead of you. Your immediate reaction: slow down and hope he didn´t notice you were speeding. You pass him and he doesn´t pull you over, you sigh in relief and maybe even brag about how close that was. All of this while your children are in the back seat. What did you just do? You disobeyed the rules. You disrespected authority by being deceitful and then laughed at it. So why are we surprised when our child hides the mischief as they hear us approaching and then delight in getting away with having disrespected the rules and us.

This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD's anointed.'
1 Samuel 24:9-11

So often we choose to have an opinion about a person in leadership, or the way they are carrying out things and based on that opinion we decide whether we respect them or not, whether we let them lead us or not. We forget that every authority in our lives has been placed there by the Lord and has a role to play in our molding and our growth. Yes, we are all human. Yes, we are not perfect. Yes, we make mistakes. So our leaders are bound to make mistakes, but that´s where we prove to ourselves where our trust is. Think of it this way:

Imagine I am driving my van and decide to let Elena sit on my lap so she can "drive". Now, we all know that though the child may think she is driving, I am the one who is really in control. Do you think I would let her drive us into a ditch? Do you think I´d let her loose and just let us crash? You would probably give me a little more credit than that, wouldn´t you? (at least I hope you would!). We all know that Elena wouldn´t really be the one in control. Now, let´s translate into our life. Do you really think God will let someone else´s mistake interfere with His perfect plan for you? Who do you think is driving your life? Who do you think is ultimately in control? It is either God or yourself... We need to trust God for the direction of our life in spite of our knowledge, opinions and judgment. We need to trust God with our lives in spite of our leaders!

The story about David that I quoted earlier is a clear example. David had every opportunity to kill a king who had really lost it. Everybody would have cheered him on! Everybody thought he ought to kill him, after all, this very king was looking to kill David! Yet, because of the Lord, David respected the King.

When we rebel against our authority we are ultimately and really rebelling against the Lord. So how about we plant some good seeds in our children and show a little respect for the waiter at the restaurant who didn´t let you sit where you wanted; for the pastor of the church who gave you some counsel your doubtful of; for the teacher who seems to be against you; or for the President who, you think, doesn´t know what he´s doing. How about we show more respect for the husband God has appointed as the head of our home. Surely God knew what He was doing when He chose them for such roles. Surely God is bigger than they are and bigger than we are and will never let anyone stand between us and our destiny in Him.

Driving course

Yes, you read it right. Driving course. I am taking today the five hour pre-licensing driving course. Finally. I must admit I have taken this long partly, no, mostly because of pride. After having driven in my country for 10 years I am expected to do it all afresh. No considerations, no grace, no credit given at all. So about two years ago we went and got my permit. Soon thereafter I was pregnant with Adriana and we figured we'd do it after the baby was born. Adriana came, but her demands of nursing would not permit me to be away from her for five hours straight, so we left it in the back burner again. Now that Adriana is old enough, I am pregnant again! So we're not putting it off. I will fight the pride of going and taking the course and I am doing it today! How silly... After all, what is such the big deal of being treated as a beginner?

Popping my head in

To say we are all doing better. Little girls seem to finally be over the bugs that kept them sick the past couple weeks and so, I've slept a little. That is, if you don't count the times I've just dozed off while nursing Adriana on the couch. This season is not unusual for me to ask Ben the time thinking we've probably stayed up way past midnight, only to discover it is barely 9.30!

Now, for news on the home front, well my vacuum cleaner broke so my carpet is all covered in crumbs. I believe one of our tenants left a vacuum cleaner in one of the apartments, so my next task is to track it down and see if it works.

On another note, we have done the unthinkable (at least for us). We have acquired a cat!!! Neither of the adults in this house is a "cat person", if anything, we'd be dog people. However, our downstairs bathroom had a leak that led to the complete tearing off of flooring and everything and leaving in it's stead open access to the basement. From there, a couple nights ago Ben had an unpleasant encounter with a rodent that we are wishing was only a mouse but looked too big for a mere mouse. That led us to decide that if we have to choose between rodents and a cat, the latter is much more acceptable, not to mention how much fun the girls are having. And so it is that "happy face" (The name Elena chose) has become a part of our household for the past 22 hours or so. Her previous owner was kind enough to let us "borrow" her for a couple days and see how it went. So if the cat survives the girls' constant smothering, it will be official.

What do you think of that?

Perspective

Somehow, anything I think about posting just seems so shallow and empty in light of this. I don´t know her personally, but in the body of Christ, we are one whether we´ve seen each other our whole lives or not. I´ve had many waking hours this weekend and her story has really made me weep, pray, re-evaluate and take new approaches towards my own life. And as my heart continues to go out for her and her family I must say that even our constant struggle for bedtime took a whole different perspective last night.

The girls went to sleep peacefully, Ben and I walked out blessed and what usually was turning into hours of frustration became a time of impartation and building up. We all grew a little last night.

It was, after all, a matter of perspective and of tapping into what God had for us in the midst of it... go figure!

Quick question...

Do you do flu shots? and why?

Short moments and a long night...

Well, last night was one of those rare occasions in which we could go to bed at 10.30 p.m. Can you believe it? Girls sleeping by 8.00! Kitchen and living room tidy by 8.30! We watched a couple shows and then decided to call it a night and get some rest. So we got to bed and in no time some of us were snoring the night away! I heard a little one stir... I wasn't surprised, she was due to wake at any moment. So I got up at 11.30 to nurse her hoping it'd would be a routinely "first time of the night" where she goes back to sleep and wakes up a couple hours later.

You guessed it! Boy, was I wrong. Adriana was very awake, but not as lively as her normal self. And, Elena was awake too. Elena had a stuffy nose that kept waking her up every attempt she made to sleep. Adriana nursed, and nursed, and nursed, eyes wide open. At about 12.00 I decided that they were probably not feeling too well, so I'd sit between their beds and try to help them both go to sleep. At 12.30 I finally picked up Adriana only to realize she was burning up! No wonder! So I told Elena she could go to her "special bed" (a toddler bed at the feet of ours) to sleep the rest of the night. Took the excursion downstairs to look for a thermometer and medicine and then settled Adriana in bed with me.

She finally managed to sleep by 2.30 and I finally got a few "z's" in. And I had thought I was actually going to sleep... I think my problem is that I still think and wish for sleep. I need to give it up! ha,ha,ha... This morning we are all a little tired, a little cranky and a little slow. We are still battling a fever and runny noses, so we'll take it slow. But I'll finish up with a cute little story about last night...

Remember how Adriana kept waking up for no apparent reason? Well, we began to suspect that big sister had something to do with it, but couldn't really figure it out. Every night we'd ask and get answers like: "Mami, nena fell on Driana's bed. Driana kying because she wants mami!" We decided we needed to figure out exactly what was going on, so we spied on them. Yeah, we felt awful, but we figured it would be the only way.

I put Adriana in her little bed, sound asleep, kissed Elena and headed downstairs. Ben was on the floor, out of their sight and peeking through the doorway. He reports that as my steps were heard farther away from them, a little head popped up from her bed... very slowly and quietly got off her bed and as her little arm with a pointed finger was ready to touch Adriana's cheek, Ben emerged out of the darkness!

Elena gasped, was paralyzed for a couple seconds and then curled up in her bed hiding her little face from him. At this point, he knew he needed to address this, but it was altogether too cute! He took her to the bathroom and their dialog was something like this:

B: "Elena, were you going to wake Adriana up?"
E: Crying... "Yeah..."
B: "Sweetie, why?"
E: still crying... "When driana kyes, Mami comes pstairs!"
B: "Do you like it when Mami is upstairs?"
E: still crying... "Yeah!!!"

Now, how do you respond to that? When Ben told me, all I wanted to do was run upstairs, wake her up and snuggle with her!!! Is there a better feeling than being loved and wanted by your children?

Little lessons

Sometimes, God uses the most unexpected things to speak to my heart and impart little lessons. Maybe because He made me and He knows how I learn best, maybe just because He loves me. At any rate, here go a couple:

:: Friday night I finally came downstairs at 9:40 p.m. (you know, bedtime!). The girls were finally sleeping and I had yet to pick up all the toys in the living room, vacuum the shredded cheese Adriana kindly left me all over the carpet, and clean the kitchen from dinner. I began with the living room and made may way into the kitchen. As I swept the kitchen floor I kept thinking... what do I do to make this look half-way decent? The linoleum is old enough that it has lost its shine completely. It really doesn't take much for it to get very dirty, and it takes an awful lot to make it look really clean, and even then, it lasts clean only for a few hours. So this has been the pebble in my shoe, so to speak. I finally decided I'd attack each little stain with a scrubber before sweeping and mopping, maybe that would help... But ohhh, it is so late, I have to get on my knees and my back hurts already, I thought. And then it came... the sweet small voice:
"Only if and when you're willing to do the hard work on a regular basis do you get things to look the way you want them... it is the same with your heart... Only if and when you're willing to not only dust off the surface but get down on your knees and scrub it off on a regular basis will life feel the way you expect."
It is all about constant, regular and hard work! Duh! you may say... but it was a fresh reminder for me.

:: We were looking for a couple of cards at a local store yesterday. The girls were getting antsy, so I left Ben to the task and began walking the store with them. They have a beautiful Christmas room, so I took them there. They were both in awe of all the beautiful Christmas decorations and there was some Holiday music playing. Elena immediately said... Mami! Music! as she held my hand and led me to where she thought the music was coming from. The CD player was hidden under a table in a very quaint corner of the room. Elena's face lit up and she exclaimed "Come on, Mami, hold my hand... we're dancing!" I looked around the room in the hopes of being alone and shyly began twirling with her. But as we "danced" (in all honestly, we can't call that dancing... he,he) and I saw her happy face and heard her laughter, and then looked at Adriana bobbing her little head and flailing her arms while I held her I started loosening up. There it came again...
"...unless you turn from your sins, and become like little children..."
The purity of finding joy in the simple things! The joy of living boldly without regards of what people are thinking! And that was only in dancing to a little Christmas tune... how much more joy should we experience when we are doing our Father' will! And how much more joy does it bring to the Father's heart when He sees us delight in His creation and His plans for us!

Our Gift

I was going to wait until I had a nice picture to put up and make the big announcement, but just found out that I won´t be getting any "pictures" until the end of the month (you´ll understand as you read). I can´t wait that long... we are expecting baby number 3!!!

I don´t get into my doctor´s until the end of the month, so I won´t have a nice ultrasound picture to post.

We are excited, overwhelmed, scared, thrilled... our emotions are all over the place! But we are grateful that God would choose to share with us, once again, His creative power and let life be within me!

Bedtime

Bedtime continues to pose challenges for this little family. I´m not yet at a point of dreading it, but I do say a hopeful prayer before heading upstairs with the little ones in tow.

Elena does well, as long as we aren´t there. Adriana does well, as long as we are there. So, you see where the dilemma lies...

Adriana nurses, I wait for the "limp limb" sign to put her down and sometimes it is very effective, she doesn´t stir and sleeps for a good couple hours before needing me again. Some other times, though, she just doesn´t want to stop nursing at all. And as long as one of us is there, trying to help Adriana fall back asleep, Elena keeps being distracted herself.

We ask for wisdom and grace... that is, after all, the time when I´m at the end of my rope. I just want to get downstairs as soon as possible, clean my kitchen and call it a day! But I think above all things we are praying for creativity and patience to walk this through...

"Elenisms"

::Her newest thing is posing for the camera... here, she is sporting a wig and some red lolly-pop in her lips

:: Our little girl came to our bed last night and got as close to me as she could. Upon waking up this morning and asked if she wanted pancakes for breakfast she replied: "Yes, Mami, ca-cakes... songa (snuggle) first!" And snuggle we did!

:: After breakfast Elena was on the couch saying in a very low and deep voice "Lion king fatherrrr" then she'd laugh her little head off and said "That's funny, mami". Now, this is the story behind such line: I wasn't feeling well yesterday, so Ben took care of the girls in the morning and ended up having to bring them to the office with him. He told me that in order to keep them entertained during breakfast he began telling them lines from Star Wars (if you know my husband, you don't need to ask) so he'd say in a low and deep voice "Luke, I am your father"! It is beyond me how Elena translated that into lion king father, especially because she hasn't seen that movie recently and obviously, she doesn't realize that both voices belong to the same actor!

:: We had to stay longer than usual in church after Saturday night service. Everybody was gone and we were just waiting for Ben to be done. As we waited, Elena approached me and said: "Mami, I need to play my beautiful games" I said "ok" and followed her, curiosity piked to see what she was referring to. She found the controls for some kind of video games that the youth keep there and began pushing buttons to her heart's delight. When we came home and I was putting her down, we prayed for "the usual suspects" but when I said "in Jesus' name" and was ready to close the prayer, she interjected: "No, Mami.... Jesus bess nena's beautiful games"... talk about submitting to the Lord every aspect of your life!

Mushrooms

As most of you know, I grew up in the city. Seeing mushrooms grow in your yard was a very rare occurrence. The very few times it happened, we'd find a tiny specimen that would almost require a microscope to appreciate. So I find myself quite intrigued by the appearance of these humongous monsters in our yard! Bear with me, please, as I post these pics for the amazement of my fellow city-folk!

This one was the first we saw in September.

Now this one we found a couple weeks ago and decided to leave it to see how far it grew.
The girls and I went to check on it yesterday to find that it was getting mushy and yellow, so our ideas of kicking it were quickly discouraged and we just took a couple pictures for my mom and our own amusement.

And this one I took for reference to the size... look at the size of that monster!

New day, New hair

Isn´t she just precious? I couldn´t pass on the chance to show off my little girl!

:: After well over 6 months since I last got a haircut, I went on Monday and went the practical way. I asked the lady to cut it so that I could just get out of the shower and be ready for the day. She was nice enough to spare me a shocking change, so she said she´d still leave it long enough for me to pull back on a pony tail. So 7 inches later, this is the end result. I miss my long hair but it sure feels nice to just walk out of the shower and not have to worry about what my hair will look like!

:: My Mom left yesterday. All of a sudden it feels like my work just multiplied overnight... well, it really did. In spite of my constant nagging her not to, she did so much around here that after being so spoiled I have to re-learn living with two little girls! She was a blessing to have and we sure miss her. Adriana every so often starts walking around the house chanting "Ti...ta... wha you?" over and over again. They both miss her, but I am happy to see that, so far, they´re adjusting fine to the temporary presence of my family. I definitely see the grace of the Lord in that they don´t forget them easily and when they see them again it´s almost like the just pick up where they´d left!

:: The fall hasn´t settled in fully yet and we are already dealing with the first runny noses of the season. This extension of warm weather, I admit, has made it hard to switch into full gears so I haven´t yet done anything to try and limit the "propagation" of germs. You guessed it, next thing on the list is stocking up with disinfecting supplies!

My baby needs me

I am awaken by the cry of Adriana and get out of bed in a hurry. I pick her up, take her pajamas off and bring her to bed with me, after all, this is the fifth time she has woken up tonight, it must be really, really late (or should I say, early). I settle her in bed and try to hurry before she wakes everybody else up. A quick glance at my nightstand clock... I squint a little harder to make sure I'm reading correctly. It is only 1:00 a.m. I say only because usually the "bring-her-to-bed-so-you-can-sleep-longer-part" doesn't come until about 3:00. Yeah, this is one of those nights. Every once in a while she gets into this little pattern of waking up almost every hour and this is the second night this week.

My sweet, sweet girl is 14 months old. She still nurses about every two hours at night time. I don't know if it is personality or that her little body still needs it but I truly am her pacifier and she still truly drinks when she nurses. At this age, Elena was weaned... On the one hand, I was already pregnant with Adriana, but then again, she has always been a little less attached to me than Adriana. She also nurses often during the day.

Now, I'd be lying if didn't admit to the fact that night time can be really hard. I really like to sleep, especially at night time when I've spent my day seeing to my family's need and my body is aching for a bed. So I don't particularly enjoy that since Adriana was born I don't think I've gotten more than 3 hours straight. During those lonely, dark hours I usually have this conversations with the Lord... Is she ok, Lord? Is she ever going to wean? I mean, I could really use a full night of sleep here and there, you know. Am I doing something wrong? This couldn't be bad for her, could it? and then I check to make sure she is cool enough, warm enough, comfortable enough, whatever-else-I-can-think-of enough, tuck her in her crib and go back to bed just to turn and do it again in no more than two hours.

But then, at the same time, somewhere in between my mind wanderings I stop, look at her and think: My, oh my, she still needs me. My hand touches her soft little feet, even in the darkness I can see her precious, delicate features and her little hand finds its way under my shirt looking for the warmth of skin. Those few minutes, when I finally make the voice of my mind stop complaining and appreciate what these quiet little moments can be all about, I am blessed. My baby still needs me and I can soothe her... what else can I ask for? These nights will soon be gone, she will be on to new stages of her little life and I will be missing this season...

Apple picking

A week ago, we took the girls apple picking. They loved it even though we had to cut it short due to rain. Adriana had the most fun, picking and biting them one by one and dropping them again as she kept finding more! Finally she settled for holding one in each hand, but she never let pass the opportunity to bite any other that came close to her mouth!

Where we've been

After four years of living in New York, we finally went to see the Niagara Falls! I think they're absolutely gorgeous! Here a few pics.

Getting our ponchos on for the ride on the Maid of the Mist! It was a warm and sunny day, just perfect!

Elena was really excited to see the "wafalls"

She loves boat rides! So, some of us had a better time

than others... Adriana couldn't get past the annoyance of wearing a poncho!

on of the breathtaking sights!

We had a fabulous time! We spent a couple nights with family and took a much needed break, plus we are squeezing the juice out of my mom's stay with us. We have been apple picking and we plan on going to a pumpkin patch some time this week, but more pictures of all that fun later. For now, bear with me as we swing into a new routine!

A very few pics

All the ladies (this wasn't the official photographer, so Melody can't really be seen)

The bride and her flower girls

Adriana stealing the bridal bouquet away...

As we saw the bride walk in...

It was a gorgeous day, an amazing setting, a beautiful ceremony... my, my, my... what a great beginning for a new love story!

The Big Day!

Today is the big day we've been preparing for the last few months. Today, two lives will become one. Seasons of prayer, pondering and seeking of God's will are over. Days of planning and preparation have come to an end. Today is a day of celebration! What an amazing gift God gave us when He thought of marriage. And the cherry on top? Today, a bride leaves my home to walk down the aisle that will lead her to her groom. This little home has been a part of it and this whole house is busting at the seams full of people celebrating. All of it thanks to God's blessing and provision to our own lives! Happy day!