His tools...

Sunday morning my aching back left a husband to go to church alone with two little girls. A challenge. It always is. Little hearts having a hard time understanding worship, settling down, quieting down. The need arose for a private conversation and he took them to the bathroom... this is a secon hand version, but it went something like this:

Elena: You break my heart when you say no!
Daddy: Well, honey, did you know God can fix your broken heart?
Elena: No, He can't!
Daddy: Sweetheart, look around you. He made the trees, the sky, everything! He made everything! He CAN fix your broken heart. The Bible says He can!
Elena: But His tools will hurt!

Later on, as Dad and I talked about this we remarked on how unaware she is of how deep her statement is. There is no mistake in the fact that His tools sometimes hurt, there is no mistake either in the fact that the pain is bringing restoration, regeneration and new life. Little did we know, barely 24 hours later we'd be experiencing it in the physical through Ben's injury, and even in the emotional as we adjust to a very busy life with increasing challenges. Some day we'll tell her and it will make sense...

Customer Service

Task oriented, that I am very much. My husband is a good balance for me because he is so the "fun" laid back guy. He is also a great balance for my little ones because where I am focused to get them through a task, from teeth brushing, through meal eating, all the way to getting ready for bed smoothly and efficiently. He simply makes it fun! Talk about God knowing what He does when He pairs us people up! When I have a task at hand, I am a woman with a mission, be it cleaning the toilet or preparing a meal, I go at it with everything I have.

When I did my orientation for the interpreting job, I was inundated with how much importance this company puts on their customer service. One of the tips the trainer gave us was to have a big sign somewhere in our work station to remind us to "smile". She said it was amazing how much a smile could do for a voice over the phone. Thus, this very serious, task oriented girl did that very thing. Every single phone call, after looking at the sign with my greeting on one end of the wall, my eyes would immediately move to the other end of my wall where a big happy face with the word SMILE written on it was displayed every-single-call-every-single-time.

All of my little notes and reminders for the job have come down from the wall, except for the smile sign. I have been gently nudged by the Holy Spirit about my customer service practices at home... very seriously I have been considering these past few days to post more of these signs all over the place, namely the kitchen and bathroom where my cleaning tasks have the potential to get me brow furrowed. My little people are my customers of sorts! Some days I feel like this disgruntled woman (if you picture this the way I do you will surely get a good laugh!), sleeves up to her elbows, hands covered in some kind of grime, treading through towards the kitchen while two little girls hug each one of my legs and a little baby hangs on for dear life to my back, stopping at nothing and eyes fixed on the sink full of dirty dishes that needs to be tackled!

So lately, I have been trying to remind myself simply to smile. When I smile I have to stop and think... I have to remember the goodness of the One who gave them to me. I have to remember that they have not been given to me per se but entrusted and I am but an ambassador, a mere representative of who He is... and just about right now, I am so relieved that He IS with me every step of the way. He does not expect me to do this on my own, and I am reminded that His mercy is everlasting and is new every morning! Remember to smile!

A journey

Like most anyone who begins this journey, I began full of enthusiasm. There was this whole new dimension of life that awaited me and I was more than eager to embrace it with everything in me. The waiting could not have taken any longer and the arrival of my sweet firstborn was nothing like I anticipated. However, contrary to my belief after who-knows-how-many-hours of labor, instead of dying upon her birth I was overtaken by a new energy. Suddenly I was filled with a new passion that I had no idea where it came from. Through tear blurred eyes we made vows and promises. For hours and hours I did not want to be bothered by the mundane of life, I just wanted to relish in this newness of life. I was a mother. She was my daughter.

This honey moon began and I loved every minute of it. Tired, frazzled and inundated with unspeakable (and some really ridiculous) fears, I knew I had been born for this. A whole lifetime of waiting and it was finally here. I could do this forever. Night time became "our time", sweet praises would fill the air as my babe nursed. Scripture would be read out loud so as to minister to the soul, both young and old, other nights prayer would fill the room. It was idyllic. We break ground together, she leads me through a path of discovery as I follow her need for guidance and we both learn to live. As I follow I lead, and as I lead I learn, and as I learn I teach her.

Then came the news of another gift and it was joyfully and longingly awaited. My second born came on a rain-stormed day as strong and determined as the weather we drove through to get to the hospital. This tiny little person exuded intensity through every little pore of her wrinkly skin. Nights were the complete opposite of the romantic and fluid sessions that carried me through the first time around. In every breath she gained new strength to make her will known and she still does. Breaking every mold, challenging every expectation, my tiny bundle of energy pushes this mom´s every single button, every single day.

Heartbreak followed with the loss of a soul we never met. He brought me joy and faith. We learned to mourn. I learned to surrender my heart and trust. He taught me to hope.

A new joy rose when my third born came. Another different wait, another different season. He brought a new beautiful balance between the idyllic romance and the awakening challenge. This little man is full of joy and there is peace in mothering him. There are no sweet all-nighters filled with worship and prayer. There are no frazzled sleepless nights. There is snuggling and cuddling and slobbery kisses that I wish would never end. His happy smile can pull me out of the funks of life and push me into a state of lightheartedness.

I do not know what new things will face me as I continue the journey. I do not know if they are so different from each other or I simply have changed with each one of them. However, as I look back, and as I look ahead I know... I was born for this, I could do this forever.

Bones

"Mom, why is it hard here on my knees? and here on my legs? why is it hard everywhere?"
I look at her and try to figure out what she is talking about... one look at her little hands going up and down her leg, pushing at every touch tells me clearly what she means. So I answer,
"Because those are your bones."
"Bones? Here?"
"Yes, right there."
"And on my knees too?"
"Yes, sweetie, everywhere. There are bones all over your body that are covered with muscles, and then with skin."
Still pressing on her legs, "Why, Mommy?"
"Why", I think... I know why, bones are our structure, they hold us up mainly... how do I explain it to her satisfactorily, though...
"Well, sweetie, bones help us stand straight, they hold us up... why don't you let me finish nursing the baby and we'll go look at some pictures on the computer, ok?"
Satisfied she waits and I think of how to illustrate it. At the same time I wonder afresh at the wisdom and creativity of the Creator. To give us a spine that would allow us to stand straight; to make joints to connect bone with bone and allow mobility; to envelope each bone with such complexity of tissue. How amazing that being the Supreme and immense God He is He'd go into the minute detail of working down to a cellular level! And once again, I marvel at My Creator!

98 years

If we could only read what the little tired eyes have to say, how much history they have witnessed, how much life they have seen happen. This restless spirit thirsty of learning, thirsty of the world and full of poetry.

Ninety-eight years stored in that feeble mind that now chooses to navigate within than to stay without... after all, all those years of memories seem much more interesting to visit than the today where the body is trapped by years of decay...

She won´t remember the phone call, but I still have to make it. I call in the midst of her little party. Before putting her on the line I am warned of her confusion... I giggle... this should be fun:

Me: Hi, Mamita, How are you?
Her: What? Oh, Hi Dear! They tell me it´s your birthday today!
Me: No, Mamita, it is yours, that´s why I´m calling...
Her: Mine!? Figures! How old do you think I am!
Me: Well, I think you´re turning 98...
Her: Yeah, I wouldn´t know because there was no party this time. When can we see you?
Me: Oh, Mamita, it´s going to be a while, I don´t know when I can see you again.
Her: Oh, but the good thing is that you´re not that far, right?
Me: Yes I am very far, Mamita. I am calling you from New York.
Her: Ohhhh, well (getting into poetry mode) the good thing is to at least talk on the phone with those who have shown you some love through your life...
Me: Yes, Mamita, I love you and hope... (she interrupts...)
Her: (to someone else in the room) I am telling her and she is not talking to me (gives the phone away)

And so, my conversation ends. In the end, I couldn´t tell her how much she means to me. She is there physically, but her mind is so gone.

So, today I honor and remember that brilliant-but-almost-absent-mind wrapped in the feeble body... Happy birthday, Mamita, though you may not remember it always, you are loved and your legacy reaches much futher than you ever thought possible or dreamed to reach yourself!

A month's worth of pictures

In one month, well one week really, we managed to get two "shiners"... Little Ben sported one

Elena, the other one.

"Tio Jonafan" came for a visit

Little girls had cups of tea...

and I am now getting to scatter pretty things around my new space...

I will post more pictures later.

Surreal

Number dialed. Wait. A "computer" voice answers: "Welcome to ****'s teleconferencing service. Please enter your access code followed by the # sign". I do it. "After the tone please say your name, followed by the # sign". I do it. Weird beeps follow and voilá, I have stepped into a world very different from my regular one. Eight more voices begin to join and in less than a minute a "classroom" of sorts is assembled. We have never seen each other's faces. We had never spoken before, yet for the past three days we have spent five hours together each day.

Minnesota, Idaho, Chicago, New York, California. Japanese, Portuguese, Polish, Spanish and English. Names without faces learning together so as to plug into this abstract representation of the corporate world. This is just the beginning, though. Soon enough each one of us will become a voice for an anonymous individual anywhere in the world. By way of telephonic waves we will become bankers, doctors, nurses, 911 dispatchers, judges, attorneys, insurance brokers, and who-knows-what-else to some non-English speaker lost in this foreign world. I find it surreal, fascinating, intriguing.

For a few minutes we will be a conduit of information that will flow between a corporation and a customer. Maybe we will be the life line that will connect a real, life threatening emergency to the responder that can make all the difference between life and death. Maybe we will simply be the clerk that ensures a payment in time, or a technician explaining a customer how to use their newest technological device. All this will happen upon answering a phone call. Crazy, just plain crazy!

Thankful

We stopped work and play, dished ourselves some food (thanks, Colleen), turned the station, sat down and watched in anticipation. The show is a bit too "wild" for my liking, but there is only one reason we are all tuned in today: a chapter in a love story, our love story. Our engagement is being aired on national TV again and so, we quiet little chattering voices around us and wait.

He appears on the screen and little girly "ooohs", "ahhhs" and giggles fill the room. It has been a rough couple days, so I sit silently watching, remembering. He proposed... I said "sí", or at least I tried and muttered some unintelligible response that translated into the desired affirmation.

Fast forward almost six years... It has been a rough couple days... I want to say yes again! Tears well up my eyes. I love this man.

Hard working, fun loving, sensitive and romantic man. He has filled my days with laughter; his own: loud, happy, full of life; mine: quiet, satisfied, and grateful; and theirs: noisy, constant, pure. My life is full... what more could I ask for.

Product of that happy day full of promise and destiny came her:

An Elena, my Elena. My happy girl who gets "so encigged" by the little things of life, who would live on sweets alone, and who lives to be a princess. **She writes four or five of the letters she knows and reads you a complete story. **She pretends to hold Jesus´hand when walking through a parking lot because it is more grown up than holding on to Mami or Daddy but it is still a hand. **She loves to help her sister on the potty and celebrates her heartily when successful. **She adores her little brother and loves to discover new ways to make him laugh. **She winks, and smiles, and dances, and twirls, and fills my world with dance. She is perfect.

then her:
An Adriana, my Adriana. My little dynamite whose determination is as intense as the big eyes that light up her face. **She is caught in between baby and toddler world, she loves so much being both. **She is determined and independent but craves snuggles more than anything else in this world. **She kisses the sweetest kisses and hugs the tightest embraces full of love. **She does everything with a passion that belongs only to her. **She will sing herself to sleep and pick up the song right where she left it the minute she opens her eyes. **She teases, and jokes, and plays, and sings, and loves and every time she hugs you, her little hand will sweetly rub your back. She fills my days with wonder and she is perfect.

...and him:
A boy! My sweet boy! My other Ben. **He is just as sweet as his daddy. **He loves to laugh. **He looks at my face adoringly when I talk. **His rich blue eyes shine as the sweetness of his smile overtakes his chubby cheeks when I come into sight. **He is as pleasant as he is cute. **He coughs to get attention. **He constantly slaps his right hand as long as he is awake and isn´t holding anything with it. **He is chubby, and chunky, and joyful, and he fills my days with sweetness. He is perfect.

Each one of them is mine. They are mine for a season, he is mine forever. My life is full. My life is perfect.

The floor is down!

1. mid progress

with the stove in place and still pending the trim

The infamous dining room green walls with the new floor.

Our handy helpers: Jeremy and Kris

I figured a couple of my readers (ahem, Dee and Becky)
would love looking at these guys at work!
They did an amazing job, thank you guys for working and ladies for releasing them to us!

A Splash (a very big one) of color...

Here's the deal: except for one person's very enthusiastic and favorable response, most of the comments our (well, my really) color choices have elicited are exclamations of how "latin", "hispanic", or "Guatemalan" it looks. The amount of colors responds to the different activities that we will carry out in this room and wanting to give each area a different feel. It may not have been the greatest of ideas, but we wanted to liven it up. Maybe we went for too many colors, I don't know but we will give it a try and live with it for a little bit (ahem, we are on a deadline here!) and decide later if we will truly keep this color collection or not. In the meantime, here goes nothing:

1. (above) the kitchen's "toasted nutmeg" meets the long wall's "blanket brown" across the dining room's "coriander seed"

2. (above) Living room/office's "fresh praline" meets dining room's "coriander seed"


3. (above) This is the part that still has us scratching our heads... the closer wall is being hit by sunlight and the "coriander seed" looks a deep green. Move to the wall further back that meets the kitchen... this wall is being hit by the light bulbs in the dining room and it looks more "mustardy"... that's the part we're not sure of.


4. Long wall's "blanket brown" meets living room's "fresh praline"
5. Kitchen's "toasted nutmeg" meets long wall's "blanket brown" (which are really my favorites in this crazy combo).
6. The kitchen hit by sunlight... my most favorite part of all. When the room is lit by the sun, the colors look so good! So there, maybe you'll come to my newest section of the house and be overwhelmed by my color pallette... sorry. I had fun trying and still don't know how to "fix it" or whether it really needs fixing...

At any rate, the guys are working on the flooring right now, so tomorrow I will post pictures of their final product (as well as pictures of them!). I just wanted to catch you all up with the color portion. Later on, we will see how our mismatched furniture fits in here!

I´ll try

I´ll try to post a pic and a link to the most likely color that will go on that space, hopefully it will work.

1.- On this picture: Left wall: *brown blanket
Back wall (living room area): *wild wheat


2. Right wall (same as left wall in previous picture): *blanket brown
Kitchen and doorway wall: *toasted nutmeg
We will give the kitchen a bit of a face lift, but probably not until we´re moved in. We may remove the cupboard doors and leave them open, maybe... not sure yet, but accents will be white.

3.- The little wall, together with the dining room space (which I don´t seem to have a good picture of): *coriander seed

4.- My office space will be a combination of two of any of these colors.

Day Six

Slowly but steady:

1. Ben finished closing up one side of the old bedroom doorway after working all the necessary wiring.


2. Looking at it from the kitchen. This will be our dining space.


3. & 4. Our old computer room storing probably 90% of Mom and Dad L´s belongings:

Day Five

Again, Day Four seemed to be slower just because of electric stuff going on. Today may begin to see more tangible progress but while that happens I thought I´d share my home office inspiration.

Although I´m not sure the color will work because my little office space will be the darkest spot downstairs with no natural light hitting it anywhere at any time of the day. But there, tell me what you think.

Day Three

Because day two was mostly devoted to working with electric wiring and such, no visible progress was made to photograph. Here's today's progress though.

I should be working on picking some wall colors soon since Ben wants to paint before laying down the laminate flooring.

End of day one

At the end of day one, carpeting is gone and so is the sheet rock on the wall.

Ben is working on the electric to finish taking out the wall
A closer look.

"And the renovation begins right now"

Okay, it may not make much sense but maybe as it develops it will. Bear with me, please. For those who don´t know, we are trading downstairs apartments with Mom and Dad L so as to be on one whole side of the house. It is a first step of a long term remodel we want to ultimately do. Although we don´t know when step 2 will follow, we are pretty excited about getting on with step 1.


1. When you come into their apartment, this wall separates the living room/kitchen from the bedroom.
2. The doorway will be closed in and the wall to the left torn down.

3. Seen from the bedroom: the wall to be demolished to the right now. With the closing of the doorway we intend to somehow use the corner and closet space to make an office space with a built-in interpreting booth in the closet. It may not be the most practical solution but at least that would provide an immediate semi-enclosed space for me to work without completely removing me from family life and won´t require all the electrical re-wiring we would have had to do other wise. Plus, we have a 3 week deadline while Mom and Dad are visiting Andrea in TX.

4. With the wall gone it should open up a larger space for living room, dining area and kitchen.

5. As you can see, carpeting has already been removed. Their kitchen begins at the change of flooring, but we will install new laminate flooring throughout. Notice how lightly I use the term "we". I am mostly in charge of our current living space and the little people. All the exciting plans we had for these days did not materialize, had it not been for the girls´little outing to Aunt Dee´s we would all have ended up couped up with a feverish baby... *sigh* just going with the flow now.

Stay tuned for updates, that is the most exciting thing I can do regarding the project right now!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

I am so ridiculously exhausted! For two and a half weeks I have had to wake up at night much more than usual and it is finally beginning to wear on me. We are not dealing with a tummy bug, thankfully, but my girls seem to take after me and gag at absolutely anything when they're sick, so they have thrown up even when their sickness doesn't call for it. So between throwing up, fevers and the attitudes and behavior that go with it, hurting tummys, noses, anythings, bathroom emergencies and the regular nursing wake up times of the night I am, finally, worn out.

Last night (or this morning, when it was still dark, I don't even know anymore) Adriana came to our bed. Although we've been trying to wean her of this, we made an exception this week that she's been sick. She had some milk, the baby woke up so I brought him in bed thinking I was tired enough not to even bother putting him back on his basket, he was going to stay in bed with me. As I was almost asleep I heard Adriana cough... and cough... and cough... aaaand... I had just so much time to lift the baby up and be the target of the projectile! I guess the good news was that whatever I didn't catch her pillow did, so after wiping baby, her, my face and ridding of my nightgown Ben went to sleep with Elena, we threw a big towel on our bed (just in case we missed something) and we went back to sleep at a time that by all reason we should have been waking up.

Even though we woke up at 9, Adriana is still cranky enough that I didn't manage to come downstairs until 10. My body aches, my head aches, my eyes are fighting to stay open and Elena & Ben jr. are ready to take on the world! Cookies and brownies for breakfast and who knows what will make it to the table for lunch and dinner today! arghhh...

New Job

Well, *sigh* there it is. I have signed. I accepted their offer, they´ve accepted mine. Our little family life is about to change dramatically and I have mixed emotions about the whole thing.

I know life is of seasons and this is just another season. I love interpreting, I know it will enjoyable. But I can´t deny that there is a very big part of me that doesn´t like to have home life dictated by a commitment made in exchange of a paycheck.

I will work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 12:30 to 5:30 p.m. and Fridays and Saturdays from 7:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. thus totaling 20 hours each week. Ben has made arrangements for his office hours to change, partly because of this, partly due to some re-structuring the church office is going through. At any rate, the re-arranging should work so that he is with the little ones most of the time I´m on the phone.

I won´t leave home. I will work here, but there is something that turns in my stomach every time the recruiters remind me that I am to ensure a quiet space. The lady I was speaking to yesterday, a mom herself, assured me that little ones "get it" and so mine should soon learn that "when the door is closed, they are not to interrupt Mom".... arghhh! I don´t like that! Now, I won´t be behind closed doors per se, but I do need to ensure the quiet space, so we will fashion an office corner with a closet space that we intend to make work as an "interpreting booth".

Thus the mixed emotions... Firstly, we are excited about the extra $$ and are already planning how to disburse it within our budget. Secondly, I can´t deny the excitement of the job in and of itself... what can I say, I do like to interpret. On the other hand, there are the sacrifices to be made at home.

We are fearfully walking through this, understanding that this is something we need to do and will serve as a tool to our family life as we learn to be more disciplined and intentional about our life. We´ll see how it goes and keep you posted!

Ponderings

If you have access to the internet, and if you are a part of some sort of social network you are flooded with all kinds of information these days. From politics to advertising, you have to pick and choose what to read and how you will react to what you read.

Where you focus your sight will determine what you will witness. Where you place your faith will determine what you will see happening for you. What you listen to the most will determine what you will end up believing. Do you wonder what you are witnessing?

I think about the people who lived in the times of Jesus and who witnessed His crucifixion. I think about that very moment when He hung on the cross, as His breathing slowed... What was going through those people´s minds? What were they seeing around them? I´m sure every single face in that setting witnessed to their heart. Did they know what they were witnessing?

I think not. I can almost see the words illustrated by faces as the events unfolded. Doubt... "I thought He was the Savior." Regret: "And I wasted my time following." Hopelessness: "Who is going to save us now?" Uncertainty: "What happens to us now?" Disbelief: "I can't believe this is happening!" Fear: "What does the future hold?" Despair: "Whom do we turn to now?"

As my mind's eye walks this event, I know that these must have only been a few of the questions flooding people's minds that day. As I know they're only a few of the questions that flood people's minds, today. They fill my mind sometimes too. And then I ask myself: "Do I know... Do I know what I am witnessing? Am I missing the miracle in the making?"

Those people may have missed the miracle because they kept looking around the Cross. Would their questions have been different if their focus had been on Him? Could they have seen the love? Could they have understood the miracle? Can WE?

"...Fixing our eyes in Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2)

Update

I am in one of those seasons of realizing that the years have most definitely gone by. The things that I´ve considered new for a while aren´t appearing that new anymore.

Take my makeup bag, for example. It is very accurate to say that ALL the makeup I own fits in one of those half quart baggies they let you bring on the plane for toiletries. I only have one item of each category and they are ALL 5 years old. The reason I know this is because my previous makeup bag (which was a little bigger than the current one) was inside the purse that was stolen from me in Guatemala, the October before I got married. I never fully replaced the contents of the bag and that is how I know exactly how old my makeup is.

Probably in the same category fall my techniques for makeup application and hair styling, and my sense of style for that matter. I will inevitably buy the most neutral (aka boring) clothes, because I´m never quite sure what is really in style for my lifestyle (age and status). I will always wear my hair pulled back in the same style or a pony tail because I have absolutely no skill whatsoever for styling hair. And the last time I had to seriously do my makeup for a wedding I about panicked because not only did I not own whatever beauty products were needed for the task but I realized the techniques I´d use would be those I learned back about 15 years ago when I was hip and current. I think an update would be nice, just a little refresher, you know.