A few random pictures

A little girl on a boat ride

The "Island of the Flowers" How pretty!!!

A local fisherman

Another little girl on a boat ride.

The boat went so fast and the wind was so strong Adriana kept looking over my

shoulder while Elena chose to cover herself with a towel... cute little girls!

Our comfy rental

A scarcity of pillows led to creativity...

stuffed animals make good pillows for long car rides!
...and of course, the other one slept too

Another pretty orchid
making yet another long car ride a bit fun

Picking up

This is our little family in Tikal

And this is the majestic temple behind us...

This is a very young "Ceiba", the National tree. It grows wider and full of heavy foliage. Adriana and I are standing at one of the roots, imagine how tall and wide it grows!

And this is the upper part of the tree

Well, if you read my Ben's post you probably got a chance to see much more pictures than I have been able to post. Make sure to check it out.

I am feeling a bit better today... still a bit sick but functional and finally the headache is gone which makes life much easier.

Now about Tikal. Tikal was sure a sight to see... so majestic, imposing... amazing! A silent witness to so many stories. Walking through that vast quiet it is so hard not to try to imagine the events that went through in that city. At some point in history, there was no jungle, it was a civilization busting with life. Wrong in many ways but intelligent and, after all, life. It is best said in the words of the Nobel Prize, Miguel Angel Asturias:

"The imagination reels. There are reliefs, pyramids, temples in the extinguished city. The damp murmur of the arroyos, voices, crepitations of the intertangling vines, the sound of flapping wings, trickle into the immense sea of silence. Everything palpitates, breathes, exhausting itself in green above the vast roof of Peten."
Miguel Ángel Asturias, The Mirror of Lida Sal: Tales

In a place like that lived a man of corn, seasoned with cocoa and chile. Tikal saw a man who conquered the challenges of building their mystical city in stone. A fallen man and a fallen culture... whatever happened to them, God only knows... literally. It is still an amazing sight to be seen in the deep of a beautiful jungle.

I'll post pictures later... this internet is slow and won't let me upload them right now

Slow

***edit*** check out my hubby's post at:

www.bendusky.blogspot.com ***

That's how I feel right now. I am still sick, now on antibiotics because the fever came back and yesterday I spent the day in bed. The whole day is a blurr and after a concerned hubby's call to my doctor in NY we got someone to come check on my lungs. My lungs are fine but my throat was showing signs of infection. Two dosis of antibiotics later, I feel a little weak but better and the fever is gone. That has also kept me from updating here... sorry. Here I am, in paradise and so sick I couldn't even believe it! Oh well, this too shall pass.

Half of us is already back in cold NY. The remaining half has had a slow couple days with me out of the picture and trying to manage the girls in a semi-familiar environment. Now, continuing with our vacation update, a week ago Sunday, we left from church, got changed and took the road for the first of our stops. Coban. We had dinner there. This was our hotel, there we rested and the next day drove for most of the day into the Mayan city of Tikal. Of that, I shall share later, right now I am still in need of some rest.

The Piñata

One day at a time... I have a few pics and videos up, but have to start from the very beginning, so here it goes...

My mom decided to welcome us by having an open-house-turned-into-a-birthday-celebration for the girls. We call it here "A Piñata". We had tons of people in and out of this house all afternoon long. Among the most surprising visits were those of a friend who lives in California and I hadn't seen in probably 6 years and a highschool classmate that I hadn't seen since graduation (I won't tell you how long that is).

Of course, the traditional piñata had to be a part of the celebration even when my girls seemed to be the only children around. This, ladies and gentlemen, was a true Guatemalan piñata. No offence to our wal@mart people but what they sell under the "piñata" label has never really been what's in my mind when I think of one. This should explain why. While most everyone got a shot at it (and maybe some of the younger people in our already beat me to the punch by posting videos of the event).

Elena seemed to know quite well that there were candy inside and that it needed to be hit with a stick to be broken, however with her fever and all she did not want to be on the spotlight and refused to break it. I will share the members of my little family who part took on the breaking of the Barney piñata (oh yeah, the crazy looking woman spinning my husband around would be Karin, my best friend).

Here we are!

Guatemala has proven itself to be the amazing and wonderful destination I've always thought it was. We hit the ground running and it has been great! Except for little girls and now myself, fighting some bug we had already brought with us with fevers, coughing and all that fun stuff, we are having the time of our lives.

Right after church on Sunday morning we took off for our final destination of Tikal, but we stopped for the night in Coban. Monday morning we left for Tikal and stayed in the middle of the jungle. Our hotel actually cuts off electricity and hot water at 9.00 p.m. We slept with the background noises of all kinds of jungle monkeys and birds. Every one else in the group got up at 4 and hiked the ruins to see the sunrise atop of one of the temples. My little girls, my mom and myself stayed behind to join them later. I can not describe to you how majestic and impressive was all of this. I had never been there before and my first sight of "El Gran Jaguar" brought tears to my eyes. I always regretted not having been able to visit Tikal, but now I am grateful that I came at the right time to appreciate it. What an amazing display of archaeology! Beautiful and breathtaking!

Tuesday led us out of the jungle and back down to the city. We spent our night at a beautiful resort and then we hired a boat that took us through the lake and the river all the way out into the open ocean and the city of Livingston.

Last night we came back into the city a very tired group and some of us sick. I will post some real pictures of the group as soon as I get a minute. Right now my dear hubby has the camera on him as he and the rest of the group are doing canopy. Sorry about the quick and brief update but I just wanted to at least drop everyone a few lines and let you know we are having a good time. Thank you all for your prayers!

Won't you know

SORRY, THIS IS A LONG ONE...

Yesterday, 1:45 p.m. I walked into my bedroom, plopped into bed and broke down crying. I was so tired... This is what happened:

God doesn't follow our schedules to speak into our lives (isn't that a relief?) and for what is worth neither do little girls.

My packing plans included putting little girls down for naps and getting some cleaning done around the house while they slept. It was Ben's last day at the office, so I knew he'd be late. I couldn't count on his help. Want to take a wild guess at what happened? Right, one little girl in particular was about to show me the extent of her will. One amazing and loving Father was about to teach me, yet again, a lesson on His love.

At about 12:15 we headed upstairs, changed diapers and got ready for naps. Adriana decided she didn't want to sleep there and began screaming with all her might... the fight of the wills began. I explained to Elena that her sister was learning to lay down her will and it was a little hard on her. So we prayed for Adriana together and then Elena drifted off into a deep sleep. Then I moved on to Adriana, knowing it would be long. I kept explaining her she needed to learn to lay her little will down.

"You need to stop this, honey. This is unacceptable. This behavior doesn't honor God. You belong to God, He made you and therefore you must submit to Him. You can do all things in Christ. You can control yourself. This wonderful will is a gift that the Lord will use for great things in your life but we must learn to control it now. I love you sweetie, the Bible says that if I love you I must correct you..."

Such things were said in between trips to the bathroom, hugs, kisses and prayers but the crying wouldn't stop, it wouldn't even wind down a bit. She was determined. In fact it went on for over an hour, non stop... blood curdling-high-pitched-screams.

As she kept this going, my heart was breaking. Many a trip to the bathroom, I fought back my tears in keeping up with the fight. I knew I needed to win this one. Why wouldn't she surrender? Why wouldn't she let go? I kept up with it until she finally collapsed. I couldn't believe how exhausted I felt. I knew it had been the right thing to do, I just couldn't believe how much iron will was in that tiny little peanut! And so, over an hour later there was finally silence, she was sleeping and I just cried.

I began praying and asking the Lord to cover her from the neighbors... "Oh, Lord, please I hope they couldn't hear. I don't want them saying how tough she is or making remarks about her... she is learning and though it was hard, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, please, please cover her..." After all, Elena had peacefully slept through it all right in the next bed, so maybe the grace of the Lord would allow for our neighbors to not have heard a thing. As I kept crying and thinking I asked "Lord, why wouldn't she just surrender?" And then it came...

That sweet presence followed by a gentle whisper into my heart posed the question back to me: "Why don't you surrender?"

"What?! Me? Surrender? surrender what?" But as I formulated the questions in my heart, the answers were becoming more and more clear to me. Just then and there it dawned unto me that I had been fighting to cling on to something God wanted me to just let go.

My broken heart understood that as much as my heart broke for my little girl who wouldn't stop to see that my plans for her were for her own good realized that His perfect heart breaks even more when He sees me go through my own little fits. He hurts when I don't acknowledge that His plans for me are loving and better than my own. I though my fit, I mean my fight was rightful, but in the end it was just a fit. Repentance flowed out of this heart of mine and a sense of freedom and deliverance that I hadn't experienced in quite a few months overwhelmed me.

At that point (how timely!) Ben walked in. I related the events of the afternoon to him and confessed my own failure. Through prayer and Scripture we felt the Lord reveal the next step for us and we followed it right away.

So there, wouldn't you know... God had something to teach me through my little 18-month-old!

The Countdown begins

We finished our shopping yesterday, you know, last minute knick-knack gifts, snacks for the trip, and all that fun stuff. Both Ben and I were in desperately need of jeans and found a great deal here. Thanks to them (who told us about the sale), we spent less than $20 and we both walked out with a brand new and much needed new pair of jeans!

Won´t you know, of course, the weather has been getting bad. So by the looks of it, we are looking at leaving the comfort of our home at the insane time of 12.30 AM!!! on Friday. We´ll stop at Catskills where we´ll transfer to a bigger vehicle in which our friends will drive us to the LGA airport in New York City. All of that to ensure that we will be there with plenty of time for our 8.15 a.m. departure. After all, making sure that 9 of us check in for an international flight and making sure they do everything right for an "infant on lap" which is much more complicated for international flights, may take a bit of time.

Most of our clothes are packed, at least the girls´and mine. Our fridge is almost clean. The house is far from clean, but should be getting there as time progresses. Laundry is almost done too and if I could just sit down and wait till the time we leave so as not to add more items to the to-do list I´d be happy. However, I know that is impossible, so I´m taking it as it comes.

Off I go to put little girls down for naps...

How I wish I could bring you all!

In a way it is almost like having you over for dinner at my house. I do dream of traveling with many more of you and show you that other side of me, show you my heritage in its most vivid expression. Thank you all for your comments and encouragement! It does bless me that you don´t see me as such an odd ball after all, because it is very easy to feel that way. Silly, I know.

It is always interesting too to see Guatemalan´s react to who I have become. You see, we all know there is change that comes with marriage, motherhood, and life in and of itself. But normally, you see the change happen progressively. Adjustments are made to your view in life, to your priorities and even to your appearance as you see fit and needed. The thing is, I left Guatemala as a single, business oriented, driven, strong and opinionated woman. I come back as a tiny bit more mature wife and mom. You here have seen me evolve into the wife and the mom. They down there haven´t. To them my change is so radical and strong it shocks them.

At the same time, life went on for them. I can´t just squeeze into the space I left because life around that space has morphed and changed for them too. I don´t always know what they´re talking about anymore. I am not a part of the inside jokes anymore simply because I´m not "inside" anymore. To some, that is so difficult to fathom that the questions arise: "Is she really happy? She certainly is not the same she used to be!"

All that to say that it is always an interesting experience to go back... I am telling you... bringing these my two worlds together becomes more and more interesting every time.

Two worlds meet

It was bound to happen some day and in a little over a week, my two worlds will begin to mix. I must say it has got me both excited and nervous at the same time. Excited because finally some people here will get to see where I came from and get a glimpse of this other side of me. They will see where I lived, grew up, worked, attended church, they will see what I used to call home. Nervous because there is the slight possibility that they wouldn't like what they see.

My hubby says that I do "turn into another person" when I begin relating in Spanish to all my Guatemalan family and friends. He loves it and so far he was the only one who'd get to see this "transformation". My girlies are exposed to it but are still to little to understand it. So, my pearls will be out in the open for these friends to see.

Very, very interesting and I will comment more on this as thoughts come to mind...

Messages from the Girls to the family in Guatemala

¡Tres años!

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ENGLISH VERSION

Es más que justo hablar de mi dulce niñita, especialmente cuando el tiempo se pasa tan rápidamente y ya no puedo confiarle a mi memoria los momentos más preciados. Asi que, aquí les va:

:: Mi Elena es una pequeña adulta. Las palabras que más escucho a lo largo del día son: "Mi turno, mi turno" o "Yo lo hago solita". Está tan ansiosa de ser independiente en tantas cosas, pero en otras tantas todavía quiere ser bebé.

:: Le encanta que uno se acurruque con ella y la abrace, en inglés dice "You have to songa with me"

:: Estas últimas semanas ha estado tratando de determinar cómo nos quiere llamar a Ben y a mí. En muy poco tiempo yo he sido "Mami", "Mama" y actualmente respondo al nombre de "Mom". Ben, por su parte ha sido "Papi", "Daddy" y es momentáneamente "Dad". No hay forma de saber cuánto tiempo durará esta fase o qué nombres escogerá al final. De hecho, ya ha tratado llamarnos ocasionalmente por nuestros nombres de pila y ocasionalmente ha llamado "Honey" a Ben.

:: Sus actividades favoritas son los rompecabezas, jugar con plasticina y tratar de trazar letras. Quisiera poder decir que esto se debe a la excelencia de mis disciplinas pre-escolares, pero es simplemente gracias a sus ansias de aprender. Le fascinan las letras y constantemente trata de reconocerlas dondequiera que estemos. Mi más grande impresión fue cuando me llamó un día para que viera lo que había dibujado y yo, esperando ver garabatos que tendría que interpretar, me sorprendí de ver en el papel una "E" y una "L" garabateadas con torpeza en el papel.

:: Constantemente habla de su castillo que, según dice, está muy, muy lejos y nosotros no podemos visitarlo todos los días porque las puertas no son lo suficientemente grandes para que Ben y yo quepamos. Asi que muy de vez en cuando tenemos la dicha y suerte de que las puertas crecieron al tamaño justo para que podamos entrar.

:: Su comunicación mejora cada día y evidentemente se siente más segura porque ahora pregunta por el español de algunas cosas. A veces ella misma suelta su versión en español de alguna palabra. Debo admitir que es un tanto gracioso escuchar a mi hija hablar español con acento... pero bueno. Nos divertimos tratando de descifrar sus palabras algunas veces. El otro día hice salmón y por la prouniciación en inglés "Sámon" ella lo llamó "Sami".

:: Le gusta mucho cantar y ahora lo hace solita. Cuando está jugando o anda por la casa, empieza a cantar su propia versión de todas las canciones que se le ocurren.

:: En términos generales es una niña muy dulce. Parece ser muy perceptiva aunque como buena niñita de tres años escoge su voluntad sobre la razón con frecuencia. Cuando le dijimos que íbamos a tener otro bebé, estaba muy entusiasmada y todos los días, cuando me veía vestirme, corría hacia mí, me sobaba el estómago y decía "Mami, tu bebé esta creciendo más y más. Tú estás creciendo más y más, Mami". Con la pérdida, la sentamos en mis piernas y le dijimos que el bebito ya no iba a venir a nuestra casa sino que se había ido al cielo. Pareció un poco confusa al principio y no sabíamos cuánto en realidad había entendido. Me dio un beso en la panza y dijo "Bye, baby". Un par de días más tarde, cuando me vio vestirme, corrió hacia mí nuevamente. Empezó a sobarme la panza y dijo "Mami..." se quedó pensando un par de segundos y luego dijo "... tu bebé está en el cielo. ¡Tienes que conseguirte otro!"

:: ¡Es muy buena hermana! Le encanta leerle historia a Adriana de su Biblia. Con frecuencia, cuando las subimos para dormir la siesta, mientras preparamos el cuarto para que duerman ellas se suben a la camita de Elena y una escucha mientras la otra "lee".

Qué más puedo decir, hay tanto más que podría contar pero me detendré aquí. No podría estar más agradecida por mi amada niñita. Ella inició mi travesía de mamá y ha hecho cada momento tan interesante. Me llena la vida de gozo, abrazos y besos. ¡Mi niñita es perfecta!

My three year old

It is just fitting to talk about my sweet little girl, especially when time goes by so quickly and I cannot trust so many precious moments to my memory alone. So here it is:

:: My Elena is becoming this little adult. The words I most hear her say through the day are: "My turn, my turn" or "I can do it myself". She is so eager to be self sufficient in so many ways, but in so many others she still wants to be a baby.

:: She loves snuggling except she says "You have to songa with me"

:: These past few weeks she has been trying to figure out what she wants to call Ben and me. In a very short span I have been "Mami", "Mama", and am currently responding to "Mom". Whereas Ben has been "Papi", "Daddy" and is "Dad" for the time being. There is no telling how long this season will last or what name she'll like the best. In fact, she has also tried our first names on occasion and has called Ben "Honey" several times.

:: Her favorite activities of late are puzzles, play dough and trying to draw letters. I wish I could say this is due to my excellent pre-school disciplines but it is merely due to her eagerness to learn. She is quite fascinated by letters and keeps trying to recognize them everywhere we go. My greatest shock came when she called me one day to show me what she'd drawn and as I expected to see some shapeless scribble that I was supposed to interpret a roughly shaped "E" followed by an "L" were awkwardly formed on the paper.

:: She constantly talks about her castle which, she reports, is very, very far away and we can´t visit everyday because the doors aren´t always big enough for Ben and myself to fit. So every once in a while we get lucky and the doors are big enough and we can visit her castle.

:: Her communication gets better and better each day and she evidently feels more confident because now she actually asks for Spanish words for things and sometimes just blurts out her Spanish version of something. I must admit it is quite funny to hear my daughter speak Spanish with an accent... At any rate, we have fun trying to figure out her words at times. The other day I cooked salmon and she kept calling it "Sami".

:: She likes to sing and now does so on her own. When she is playing by herself or just going about the house, she´ll be singing her versions of all kinds of songs.

:: Overall she is a very sweet girl. She seems to be very perceptive of things even though as a good three-year-old she chooses her will over reason more often than not. When we told her we were having another baby she was very excited and every day that she´d see me get dressed she´d run over, rub my belly and say "Mami, your baby is getting bigger and bigger. You are getting bigger and bigger, Mami!" As I miscarried, we brought her over to our laps and told her that the baby wasn´t going to come to us anymore, but had gone to heaven instead. She seemed a little confused and we didn´t know how much she´d really understand. She kissed my belly and said "Bye, baby" and kept on playing. A day or two after that, I was getting dressed and she came running to me. She began to rub my belly and said "Mami..." she hesitated for a couple seconds and then said "...your baby is in heaven. You need to get another one!"

:: She is a great big sister! She loves to read from her Bible but she also loves to read to Adriana from her Bible. Often, when we bring them upstairs for naps, as we go about the room getting it ready for naps, they both climb on Elena´s little bed and one listens while the other "reads".

What can I say, there is so much more I could say but I will stop here. I couldn´t be more grateful for my lovely little girl. She began me in my journey of motherhood and has made every moment of it so interesting. She fill my life with joy, snuggles and kisses. She is just perfect!

Three Years Old!!!!

My lovely little girl turned three yesterday and while I recover from the shock and the work of her little party, here are some pics. Later I´ll tell you more about my girl.

Mi niñita preciosa cumplió tres años ayer y mientras me recupero del shock de verla crecer y del trabajo de su fiestecita, aqui les pongo unas fotos. Más tarde les cuento un poquito de mi niñita.

This year I went for an easier cake.
Elena absolutely loves puzzles, so this is what we came up with.
Este año decicí hacer un pastel más fácil.
A Elena le encantan los rompecabezas, asi que esto fue lo que se nos ocurrió.

This was her little cake we sang to her with in the morning, before church.
Este fue el pastelito con el que le cantamos en la mañana, antes de irnos a la iglesia.

Who doesn´t love chocolate cake for breakfast?
Now, I do promise you I gave each half a bagel with cream cheese too.
¿A quién no le gusta el pastel de chocolate de desayuno?
Pero les prometo que le di a cada uno la mitad de un bagel con queso crema también.

And then, after church, the party...
Y luego la fiesta, después de la iglesia...

Enjoying her food with her little friends.
She sat between Dany and Gabriel.
Disfrutando su comida con sus amiguitos.
Se sentó en medio de Dany y Gabriel.

Isn´t she having the greatest time!
Here she is with one of her favorite friends from church, Bekah.
¡Se la está pasando de lo mejor!
En esta foto está con una de sus amigas favoritas de la iglesia, Bekah.

But the party wasn´t over... here she is watching a movie with Gabriel and Cailen as the respective parents were catching up on football games!
Pero allí no terminó la fiesta... ¡aqui está viendo una película con Gabriel y Cailen mientras que los padres correspondientes se ponían al día con los juegos de football!

Our very tired little family after the day of celebration!
¡Nuestra pequeña y cansada familia después de un día de celebración!

I've been tagged...

My dear US Mom tagged me, so here it goes...

Seven Unknown or weird facts about myself:

1. I spent a student vacation working at the local fair, selling "prototypes" of perfumes. That would be the fancy way of saying that I sold cheap versions of the popular name brands of the time.

2. I would love to play "project manager" in the apprentice. I couldn´t care less for Mr. Trump or anything in the show, but I love the challenges and the "make it happen" attitude of the show. Aside from the "reality TV drama" I love the show.

3. Every time I go to a bathroom I have to double check that the door is locked... maybe because growing up, our school had stalls with wooden doors that didn´t lock and my worst nightmare was to have someone open it on me. I never thought that if it ever happened it would be another little girl, but it was traumatizing enough that up to this day I have the compulsion of making sure the door is locked... quite OCD in my opinion.

4. Up until last week, I had never eaten oatmeal mush. Actually it was Ben who made it as it wouldn´t even had occurred to me that such a thing was edible.

5. I have actually ridden a "bicycle for two" that my parents used to own. When I was about 5 years old, my mom and my aunt used to ride it around the neighborhood tugging along my cousin and me. But then I rode it with my best friend about 10 or 12 years ago. We had a blast! It was the last time we could take vacations at the same time.

6. I grew up watching "Little House on the Prairie" in Guatemala and did not know it was based on a real life story until about 5 years ago. Obviously, I have never read the books, I didn't even know they existed!

7. Thanks to my best friend, I took a bimester of German when I was in high school. I wanted to enroll in French, but her long dream was German and because I didn't want to go by myself, I enrolled with her. I just did the beginners two months and I do not remember anything at all! If I could, now I'd study Italian.

So there, I hope you find this interesting and unknown... and here are the rules:

*Link to the person that tagged you
*Post the rules on your blog.
*Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
*Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
*Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs. I am tagging... Melanie, Maureen, Becky, My Hubby, Heidi, Dee and Hannah.

The apple doesn´t fall far from the tree!!!

I find it fascinating that you don´t really have to teach children what to like or dislike. They already come "preprogrammed" for that. As I was cleaning the kitchen I had left this cut up lime on the table and when I turned to look for it, I couldn´t find it. Come to find out, Adriana climbed up on the table, took both halves and was enjoying them all around the house!

¡De tal palo, tal astilla!
¡Me parece fascinante que no hay que enseñarle a los niños nada respecto a gustos! Ya vienen con todo eso programado. Estaba limpiando la cocina y había dejado este limón en la mesa, cuando me di la vuelta para buscarlo, no lo encontré. Resulta que Adriana se encaramó a la mesa, agarró el limón y se lo estaba chupando por toda la casa.

The things we ask for

About six years ago I was reading Kathryn Kulhman's biography. The intimacy this woman shared with God was so inspiring! I was especially inspired by this portion where the author was telling how before a meeting she would be walking the grounds in prayer. She looked like she was talking to someone, in her gestures, her body language and then someone would approach her with a question about logistics and she'd be quick to smile and respond and then just "pick up" with God where she'd left, no loss of depth, no loss of intimacy at all. I remember telling the Lord, how I wish I could be like that... ohh to walk with you in such deep communion!

A couple of months ago I was in church, it was worship time and I kept getting tugs on my pants. After constant settling of little disputes and several corrections and reminders to little girls to stay in their seats, not to disturb others in prayer, etc., etc., I sighed and wondered... "Will I ever be able to get through a worship service without feeling like I lost the moment?" And then it came... the quiet, subtle whisper to my heart... "Wasn't this what you asked for? Such deep communion that interruptions would be nothing more than minor pauses in our conversation?" So no complaints on this end... I do get interrupted plenty of times but now know that it is ok, He has put within me the ability to maintain the intimacy, it is all up to me, He is always available. Better yet, unlike me, He never forgets where we were!

If I could only figure out what was that I prayed that led me to the grounds I am standing on right now, maybe I could learn my lesson quick and get it over with!

Still alive...

just a little withdrawn. We are in the midst of our prayer and fasting week at church and it has kept us busy with daily meetings but it has also kept me occupied in contemplating, re-thinking and re-evaluating this little life of ours. Some things may happen as a result of the fast, some were already in the process but we've been holding on to just seek confirmation this season.

So, we are well, it was just time to think a little harder.

See you all soon!

The New Year

After all the festivities have officially finished (birthday, anniversary, etc.) I feel like I've hit the ground running. It is the first week of the year, yet I feel like I am already behind in everything.

Looking ahead there is a little birthday party to plan.
A trip to Guatemala to put together.
A house that desperately needs an organizing hand in EVERY room.
By every room I mean that every corner of every room need rearranging.
At the same time we juggle life... which encapsulates everything else, the unexpected, the unplanned for, the urgent, etc.

So, this early into the year, I am already tired... I so desperately need to regroup and refocus... He alone is my source, He alone is my strength and most importantly He alone is my goal...

How not to lose sight of that?

The Perfect End for a Good Year

We woke up to a Winter Wonderland!
We had no power, but the scenery was breathtaking!
Hoy en la mañana despertamos a la belleza y la frescura de la nevada de anoche.
No había luz, ¡pero la vista estaba sencillamente fascinante!

Isn't this just beautiful? ... and the pictures don't do it justice!
¿No les parece precioso? ... ¡y eso que las fotos no le hacen justicia!

Adriana's most favorite activity in the snow... eating it!
La actividad favorita de Adriana en la nieve... ¡comérsela!

Making the girls' (and my) first snowman ever!
Hicimos el primer muñeco de nieve de las niñas (y mío también)

What he looked like in the end...
El producto final...

So, with no power for a good portion of the morning all the preparations for tonight's festivities have been pushed way off to a very, very late start. Who cares, though... we are only expecting people we love who won't mind mixing in with the last minute food prep and we squeezed the juices out of this gorgeous morning (and my sweet hubby) by giving the girls their most fun snow day ever. We made a snowman, we made tunnels in the pile of plowed snow, we took rides on the sled (...well, Ben did most of the work, the girls and I did most of the fun stuff) and wrapped it all off with hot chocolate, marshmallows and cookies!

Asi, sin luz una buena porción de la mañana, todos los preparativos para las festividades de la noche se súper atrasaron. Pero ¿qué importa? sólo esperamos ver aquí a gente querida a quien no le importará ser parte de los últimos detalles de la cocina. Además, le sacamos el jugo a esta hermosa mañana (y a mi dulce esposito) al darles a las niñas la mañana de mayor diversión en la nieve que jamás habían vivido. Hicimos un muñeco de nieve, hicimos túneles en la pila de nieve, nos deslizamos en el desnivel al lado de la casa (...bueno, Ben hizo todo el trabajo y las niñas y yo la parte de la diversión) y lo sellamos con broche de oro tomando chocolate caliente con angelitos y galletas!

Our Christmas in Pictures

I should begin by warning you: this will be very long, mostly because of the pictures...

Our Christmas Eve began like the previous years of marriage. My day went away cooking and prepping everything I could leave ready before heading out for candlelight service at church. So, with a chicken lasagna (my hubby´s special request for Christmas dinner this year) in the fridge and ready to bake, cinnamon rolls (our traditional Christmas morning early morning snack), and a few batches of rum logs (our thanks to dear friends) we headed out for church all decked out in pretty clothes.

The service was great and we had special fun as our candles couldn´t stay lit due to our daughters´excitement and eagerness to blow them out! You know, it was a celebration of Jesus´s (sp?) birthday, so after singing you just had to blow them out!

The fun part began after the service, though. Ben said we needed to go to some friends´house to pick up something he´d been trying to put together. See, in trying to bring me a taste of my Guatemalan tradition, he had been trying to get me fireworks. His original plan was to set them off in our property, but also in good keeping with Guatemalan tradition, we were invited in for some food and fellowship and ended setting off the fireworks at their house. Simply lovely!

We then came home and put little girls to bed after opening one gift... the rest is best explained by pictures:

This is Elena´s reaction upon realizing that there were actually more than two presents under the tree this morning. With everything going on this month, and Adriana (and a cat) to train about not opening gifts already sitting under the tree, we decided to leave only the first two gifts we´d already placed there. We kept telling her she´d get a chance to open lots of gifts on Christmas morning and by last night she was increasingly upset saying, "No, only TWO presents under the tree!!!" Hence this picture capturing her reaction upon finding so many more presents there this morning!

This is what the tree looked like this morning...

Little girls ready to open presents!!!
Elena, showing off her most special gift!

Adriana, posing with hers...

Our breakfast table... with a last minute bouquet made up with the flowers salvaged from an arrangement used in church this past week.

After our snack at home we headed off to Dad and Mom L´s for family Christmas with the Moores. Here a portion of the happy bunch ready to open away!

Elena, opening the doll Maama made for her...

Adriana, just showing her newest "smile"

Another view of the bunch and Elena getting a gift.

Adriana now shows off the doll Maama made for her.

And these next pictures, I just couldn´t resist. Elena got a kaleidoscope from the Moores and after Adriana saw everybody take a look at it, she decided to figure it out herself...

"It doesn´t seem to work on the nose...

...or the mouth...

I know it´s got to be somewhere on the face..."

And so, after a very full day we came back home... Elena is still a little puzzled that she didn´t give Jesus his birthday hug and we didn´t have cake, but quickly forgave the situation at the opportunity to play with all the toys. We are happy and thankful for a full life but above all things for the salvation that was made available to us on a day like today... Merry Christmas to all!

Massive picture update

Our cat. Got to give it to her... she has survived the girls' treating her like a doll, poor thing!Pretty in her Christmas dress and finally agreeing to pose for a picture!

Another one posing in her pretty Christmas dress. Notice that thanks to the cat (and Adriana) most of the ornaments are higher up in the tree.

Decorating Rum logsLoving the frosting!

This is better than putting it on the cookie!

Busy and happy girls

A little "package" we thought of sending for Christmas...How would they fit better?

Being silly

Guilty!

Do you wonder some time where kids come up with some of their attitudes?

Elena and I had this interaction the other day:

Me: "Elena, finish up your juice so I can wash the cup."
E: "huh?"
Me: "Drink up your juice, I need to wash the cup."
E: "huh?"
Me: "Sweetie, look at Mami... I need you to drink your juice before you leave the table."
E: "huh?"
Me: (beginning to feel aggravated and annoyed at her only response) "Elena, see your cup of juice? I need you to drink it all up so I can wash the cup!"
E: "huh?"

At this point, I just plain gave up as I knew if I got another "huh?" from her I was going to get upset. After about five minutes of silence and my mind already into something else:

E: "Mami?"
Me: "huh?"

Ouch! It immediately hit where she got that annoying little habit from!!!! And, since then I've been paying a bit more attention and realized where she is getting a lot of her little responses!!! Lord, please help me!

Way too cute!

This was way too cute to pass. The first one, Elena is singing the song "One way, Jesus!" (her version, anyway), but got more interested in seeing herself than in keeping up the singing (she is singing: "One way, Jesus! You're the only one that I could live for!"

The next one is at Derek and Heidi's, Reese was given this singing and dancing SantaClause that Adriana just couldn't stop dancing along with. It is a bit long, but I just couldn't stop she was so cute! At any rate, enjoy!

How blessed am I?

In my journey as a mom there have been times in which I've seen one of my daughters work herself into a frenzy after one of their requests has been denied. I can't tell you how much I wish I could get into their little minds and show them that I don't mean to torture them but I just love them so much, I know it is best for them not to get that thing just yet. Maybe I have already bought them that thing they're asking for and it's just not the time to get it yet. Maybe it's just that it'll be more hurtful than beneficial for them to get this one thing. Whatever the reason, I know they are too caught up in their emotions to understand my decision right now. I know that I love them deeply and I really, truly want the best for them and I can only wait until they are able to calm down so I can hold them, love on them and help them grow in understanding and obedience.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9

How could I doubt my Father? How could I doubt His love? How could I doubt His intentions for me? I am but a hopeless sinner with imperfect love, and I still act out of love upon my daughters' lives... How greater is His love than mine? I just can´t work myself into a frenzy and not try to listen and understand that He does know what is best for me and that I can rest in His perfect plans.

Let me count the ways I have seen His love during these times:

* Not only do I have a God who saved me, but He also takes care of me and constantly reminds me of His love. He didn't have to save me, to begin with, yet He takes the time to listen to the desires of my heart and lovingly carries me through this journey.

*My wonderful husband has held me, served me and cried with me as we go through this loss. Two cherished and precious little girls adorn my life with their presence and brighten my days with their love.

*We had him and her to hold our hands as we walked through the hardest stages as this process began. We were encouraged as we prayed and wept together, and as we knew what to expect and when.

*Thanks to her we had that cranberry bread that was on my list for Friday, we had a cozy Christmasy home to welcome us on Monday and we had a wonderful dinner last night.

*These two amazing ladies were the hands that actually made our home cozy and welcoming on Monday. It was so refreshing to come home and instantly have the to-do list scratched off to be able sit back, relax, process and grieve in a quiet, orderly, warm and loving atmosphere. Plus a third lady that I can not link you to as she is still absent from the cyber world (at least to my knowledge), a turkey dinner was ready to heat up and eat. We were also able to decorate our tree (finally) and still have cookies and pie as we did because of them.

*Thanks to her I had cookies to bring to our exchange last night as she packed up her little ones, left the comfort of her home and took the about-an-hour-thanks-to-the-weather-drive to keep me company and help me bake.

*Thank you, thank you, thank you each and every one of you who have lifted us up in prayer and have left your comments to our corresponding blogs, or have called us on the phone. You have no idea how much it has all meant to us! You have been instrumental in God's showing us His love!

"Made for Heaven"

Our baby # 3 was "made for Heaven". He was God's breath of life in my womb for just as many days as God would have him be and now he's gone back home.

When I was pregnant with Elena, we quickly began the name searching process. We didn't know what we were having, so we were looking for both a boy's and a girl's name. The girl's name came very easily, the boy's name took a little longer.

When I got pregnant with Adriana, the process took place again. Once more, we didn't know what we were having and the girl's name came rather quickly. The boy's name... we were still negotiating it as I was in labor and we were getting ready for the hospital!

Upon finding out I was pregnant this time, we immediately began our search. This time around, the boy's name came quickly and we never really settled with a girl's name.

Today, we have said good by to our little "Caleb Josué". He brought us joy and helped us grow as our faith was challenged. We believed for him even when the circumstances were yelling us not to and we are richer for that. My heart is broken, but I find comfort in the knowledge of the sovereignty of our Father. I have no doubt of His love, therefore I have no doubt there is purpose in this even when we don't understand it.

We didn't have an "unanswered" prayer, He simply knows something we don't know and His answers are based on such unsurmountable knowledge. We're focusing on the donation and not on the duration of this tiny little life and we are so grateful for it.

Thank you all for your support and all your prayers, they have truly carried us through. Please continue to carry us in prayer as we now find the grace to mourn and the strength to carry on.


P.S. In our grieving process and in trying to find closure to something that is so hard to fathom, we decided to give him a name. We stuck to our boy's name in keeping with the pattern that, we believe, may have been God's "hinting" to us the gender of our babies all along. We're not trying to be weird, we're just trying to mourn and heal, so please bear with us...

Before we leave...

We're getting ready to leave, but I didn't want to leave without updating you on where we're at. I have been spotting since yesterday. It has been slow, but steady. I don't know what it means, I don't even know that I am supposed to know what it means. All I know is that my Redeemer lives and His plans for me and mine are loving and perfect. So please pray for us this weekend. I'm emotionally exhausted and definitely running on empty. I know He likes empty, I know that is when He can work best, so I just surrender to that. My life and all its seasons is in His hands. He is my source, my strength, my peace and my comfort. All I want is His will in our lives.

One day at a time

Some days are easier than others. Today seems to be posing a bit of a fight.
**All the girls in this house did not stir until about 9 a.m.!!! Of course, I was one of those girls, so everything got pushed off.
**Because we came home so late last night, the kitchen wasn't clean; another delay in getting rolling with the day. So, no time to shower just wore whatever I could put together from the piles on the floor and began the mental plan for the day.
**The next threat of the day: spotting. I spotted this morning. No major bleeding, not even major spotting, but enough to shake our faith again.
**Our Christmas tree is sitting in the living room un-decorated. We decided not to buy a fresh one and use this one for the last time (hopefully) thinking it would be a smart budget move. So it's been put together for a few days now, but it is one of those pre-lit trees and, go figure, of all years this is the year where a whole section of the lights is not working.
**We are leaving town tomorrow. Ben has been looking forward for I don't even know how long to go to Rochester this weekend so he and Derek can drive to Buffalo and go watch their beloved Dolphins play the Bills.
**Heidi is ministering tonight locally, so we are going to see her. Another long awaited event that can't just be postponed. The only thing is that it means that all the house cleaning and packing needs to be done before the concert tonight.
**Very quickly all my visions of baking cranberry bread and getting my house pretty are vanishing as I realize how late it is and I don't even know where to start and I feel so exhausted all I want to do is crawl back in bed and go back to sleep!
HOWEVER, I must not, can not and will not forget that (as Smith Wigglesworth would say) "I am not moved by what I see or what I feel, I am moved by what I believe" and this is what I believe (well, one very tiny snippet of it, anyway):

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life—

for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever."
Psalm 138:8

Now, why all of these things had to be testing me today, is completely beyond me! And as I calm down Adriana who is crying and wanting to nurse every five minutes, and settle Elena who if not taking every possible toy away from Adriana is tormenting the cat, I look up to Him who is my only source... this too shall pass and is nothing in light of His glory and eternity with Him. It is just one day... one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time... more importantly, one prayer at a time!

My Runner

Did you know my husband has been running every day for the past month-and-a-half give or take? His goal is to run a marathon next year, so very dutifully he researched and studied and carefully mapped out his training. Now, for this first stage, he is only training to get in shape. I so admire his dedication! Every day, rain or shine, warm or cold he's out there. He dutifully times his every quarter of a mile, ices his knees regularly and continually increases his challenges.

I haven't told him this, mainly because we move at the speed of life and time eludes us for conversation at times... (you know, meaningful conversation), but I am so very proud of my man. When I see his dedication, his effort and his progress, and mostly because I know that the marathon is a goal, but his ultimate goal is keep himself healthy and in good shape for us.

A few weeks ago, he ran his longest challenge, all the way to his grandma's house (four miles, he regularly runs three). We were supposed to wait a certain amount of time and then drive there to wait for him and drive him home. He looked so good, out there running. It was pouring rain, yet his pace was steady. I actually kept driving back and forth a few times to make sure the girls got a real good look at my personal hero. He is an inspiration! And I just love him so!

Sick, but Happy!

I have what the girls just had... runny nose, stuffy head, headache, achy throat, etc. on top of that I can't really tell if there is morning sickness at all because all the symptoms I listed tend to make me feel like morning sickness anyway. However, every day that goes by and there is no bleeding is a happy day for this little family.

I have completely given up on trying to "interpret the signs", you know... all those little signals that are supposed to let you know that you are expecting. Everything is such a confusion with being so tired and sick that it is absolutely worthless.

But we are in a good place. There is peace and rest in knowing that it is in God's hands alone. I couldn't trust anyone else's hands more. Answering questions about it is not overwhelming at all, it is actually an exercise of faith as we hear ourselves state our stand. So, if you're not tired of hearing us (I should really say "me"), ask to your delight for it strengthens us to confess what we are walking and believing.

I have no words to thank you all for your support and your prayers! It is such a comfort to be a part of the body of Christ and know that we don't need to carry our burdens alone. Thank you so much for holding us in prayer. I can't even imagine going through this alone! Thanks for caring and loving us so!

This

would be my husband. He is playing King Herod in the Christmas play at church. What do you think?

When the rubber hits the road

We made a decision and now we get to walk it through. As I sat at the doctor's office and saw the little sac on the screen, for just a minute everything faded away... I could hear his voice explaining his opinion, but I was focused on the little sac I could see on the screen. I wanted to respond in faith, but didn't know how. Suddenly I realized the girls were off playing somewhere else in the room and Ben had been holding my hand. All I could hear in my heart was "God is bigger than this and there is a sac", that was all that mattered to me. Actually the doctor said "please call me with any questions you may have when you come out of the shock". I know I must have seemed shocked, in a way I was, but I just wanted to be cautious with my responses, after all, this is when the rubber hits the road. This man has heard us talk about God and our faith in Him, we have tried to be a witness of His love and His life and I wanted to keep it that way. I still wanted to honor Him in the midst of this confusion.

Fear is a very real thing. We knew we'd have to keep on making the decision of walking in the truth of our lives and not the reality on a daily basis. I've said to several people that if I have to make this decision every hour of every day until we have a confirmation of growth and healthy development I will still make it. Every hour of every day I will choose to believe for my baby and I've had to. Our doctor is not an alarmist, much less a fatalist. He doesn't deliver bad news unless he really, really deems it necessary, so that thought has popped in my mind more than a few times already, and we are only on the third day of the two weeks.

But God continues to remain faithful and I know that all the prayers of friends and family step in when we can't. In the end I find that in spite of the doubts, the questions, the waiting we have peace more than anything else. Scripture pops into my heart and I cling to that... I cling to my only hope and my only source. Some sleep would be nice (girls are sick again, so sleep has been scarce), but His grace and His mercy is new every morning and though I feel very "blah" His kingdom still is!