Our Christmas in Pictures

I should begin by warning you: this will be very long, mostly because of the pictures...

Our Christmas Eve began like the previous years of marriage. My day went away cooking and prepping everything I could leave ready before heading out for candlelight service at church. So, with a chicken lasagna (my hubby´s special request for Christmas dinner this year) in the fridge and ready to bake, cinnamon rolls (our traditional Christmas morning early morning snack), and a few batches of rum logs (our thanks to dear friends) we headed out for church all decked out in pretty clothes.

The service was great and we had special fun as our candles couldn´t stay lit due to our daughters´excitement and eagerness to blow them out! You know, it was a celebration of Jesus´s (sp?) birthday, so after singing you just had to blow them out!

The fun part began after the service, though. Ben said we needed to go to some friends´house to pick up something he´d been trying to put together. See, in trying to bring me a taste of my Guatemalan tradition, he had been trying to get me fireworks. His original plan was to set them off in our property, but also in good keeping with Guatemalan tradition, we were invited in for some food and fellowship and ended setting off the fireworks at their house. Simply lovely!

We then came home and put little girls to bed after opening one gift... the rest is best explained by pictures:

This is Elena´s reaction upon realizing that there were actually more than two presents under the tree this morning. With everything going on this month, and Adriana (and a cat) to train about not opening gifts already sitting under the tree, we decided to leave only the first two gifts we´d already placed there. We kept telling her she´d get a chance to open lots of gifts on Christmas morning and by last night she was increasingly upset saying, "No, only TWO presents under the tree!!!" Hence this picture capturing her reaction upon finding so many more presents there this morning!

This is what the tree looked like this morning...

Little girls ready to open presents!!!
Elena, showing off her most special gift!

Adriana, posing with hers...

Our breakfast table... with a last minute bouquet made up with the flowers salvaged from an arrangement used in church this past week.

After our snack at home we headed off to Dad and Mom L´s for family Christmas with the Moores. Here a portion of the happy bunch ready to open away!

Elena, opening the doll Maama made for her...

Adriana, just showing her newest "smile"

Another view of the bunch and Elena getting a gift.

Adriana now shows off the doll Maama made for her.

And these next pictures, I just couldn´t resist. Elena got a kaleidoscope from the Moores and after Adriana saw everybody take a look at it, she decided to figure it out herself...

"It doesn´t seem to work on the nose...

...or the mouth...

I know it´s got to be somewhere on the face..."

And so, after a very full day we came back home... Elena is still a little puzzled that she didn´t give Jesus his birthday hug and we didn´t have cake, but quickly forgave the situation at the opportunity to play with all the toys. We are happy and thankful for a full life but above all things for the salvation that was made available to us on a day like today... Merry Christmas to all!

Massive picture update

Our cat. Got to give it to her... she has survived the girls' treating her like a doll, poor thing!Pretty in her Christmas dress and finally agreeing to pose for a picture!

Another one posing in her pretty Christmas dress. Notice that thanks to the cat (and Adriana) most of the ornaments are higher up in the tree.

Decorating Rum logsLoving the frosting!

This is better than putting it on the cookie!

Busy and happy girls

A little "package" we thought of sending for Christmas...How would they fit better?

Being silly

Guilty!

Do you wonder some time where kids come up with some of their attitudes?

Elena and I had this interaction the other day:

Me: "Elena, finish up your juice so I can wash the cup."
E: "huh?"
Me: "Drink up your juice, I need to wash the cup."
E: "huh?"
Me: "Sweetie, look at Mami... I need you to drink your juice before you leave the table."
E: "huh?"
Me: (beginning to feel aggravated and annoyed at her only response) "Elena, see your cup of juice? I need you to drink it all up so I can wash the cup!"
E: "huh?"

At this point, I just plain gave up as I knew if I got another "huh?" from her I was going to get upset. After about five minutes of silence and my mind already into something else:

E: "Mami?"
Me: "huh?"

Ouch! It immediately hit where she got that annoying little habit from!!!! And, since then I've been paying a bit more attention and realized where she is getting a lot of her little responses!!! Lord, please help me!

Way too cute!

This was way too cute to pass. The first one, Elena is singing the song "One way, Jesus!" (her version, anyway), but got more interested in seeing herself than in keeping up the singing (she is singing: "One way, Jesus! You're the only one that I could live for!"

The next one is at Derek and Heidi's, Reese was given this singing and dancing SantaClause that Adriana just couldn't stop dancing along with. It is a bit long, but I just couldn't stop she was so cute! At any rate, enjoy!

How blessed am I?

In my journey as a mom there have been times in which I've seen one of my daughters work herself into a frenzy after one of their requests has been denied. I can't tell you how much I wish I could get into their little minds and show them that I don't mean to torture them but I just love them so much, I know it is best for them not to get that thing just yet. Maybe I have already bought them that thing they're asking for and it's just not the time to get it yet. Maybe it's just that it'll be more hurtful than beneficial for them to get this one thing. Whatever the reason, I know they are too caught up in their emotions to understand my decision right now. I know that I love them deeply and I really, truly want the best for them and I can only wait until they are able to calm down so I can hold them, love on them and help them grow in understanding and obedience.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9

How could I doubt my Father? How could I doubt His love? How could I doubt His intentions for me? I am but a hopeless sinner with imperfect love, and I still act out of love upon my daughters' lives... How greater is His love than mine? I just can´t work myself into a frenzy and not try to listen and understand that He does know what is best for me and that I can rest in His perfect plans.

Let me count the ways I have seen His love during these times:

* Not only do I have a God who saved me, but He also takes care of me and constantly reminds me of His love. He didn't have to save me, to begin with, yet He takes the time to listen to the desires of my heart and lovingly carries me through this journey.

*My wonderful husband has held me, served me and cried with me as we go through this loss. Two cherished and precious little girls adorn my life with their presence and brighten my days with their love.

*We had him and her to hold our hands as we walked through the hardest stages as this process began. We were encouraged as we prayed and wept together, and as we knew what to expect and when.

*Thanks to her we had that cranberry bread that was on my list for Friday, we had a cozy Christmasy home to welcome us on Monday and we had a wonderful dinner last night.

*These two amazing ladies were the hands that actually made our home cozy and welcoming on Monday. It was so refreshing to come home and instantly have the to-do list scratched off to be able sit back, relax, process and grieve in a quiet, orderly, warm and loving atmosphere. Plus a third lady that I can not link you to as she is still absent from the cyber world (at least to my knowledge), a turkey dinner was ready to heat up and eat. We were also able to decorate our tree (finally) and still have cookies and pie as we did because of them.

*Thanks to her I had cookies to bring to our exchange last night as she packed up her little ones, left the comfort of her home and took the about-an-hour-thanks-to-the-weather-drive to keep me company and help me bake.

*Thank you, thank you, thank you each and every one of you who have lifted us up in prayer and have left your comments to our corresponding blogs, or have called us on the phone. You have no idea how much it has all meant to us! You have been instrumental in God's showing us His love!

"Made for Heaven"

Our baby # 3 was "made for Heaven". He was God's breath of life in my womb for just as many days as God would have him be and now he's gone back home.

When I was pregnant with Elena, we quickly began the name searching process. We didn't know what we were having, so we were looking for both a boy's and a girl's name. The girl's name came very easily, the boy's name took a little longer.

When I got pregnant with Adriana, the process took place again. Once more, we didn't know what we were having and the girl's name came rather quickly. The boy's name... we were still negotiating it as I was in labor and we were getting ready for the hospital!

Upon finding out I was pregnant this time, we immediately began our search. This time around, the boy's name came quickly and we never really settled with a girl's name.

Today, we have said good by to our little "Caleb Josué". He brought us joy and helped us grow as our faith was challenged. We believed for him even when the circumstances were yelling us not to and we are richer for that. My heart is broken, but I find comfort in the knowledge of the sovereignty of our Father. I have no doubt of His love, therefore I have no doubt there is purpose in this even when we don't understand it.

We didn't have an "unanswered" prayer, He simply knows something we don't know and His answers are based on such unsurmountable knowledge. We're focusing on the donation and not on the duration of this tiny little life and we are so grateful for it.

Thank you all for your support and all your prayers, they have truly carried us through. Please continue to carry us in prayer as we now find the grace to mourn and the strength to carry on.


P.S. In our grieving process and in trying to find closure to something that is so hard to fathom, we decided to give him a name. We stuck to our boy's name in keeping with the pattern that, we believe, may have been God's "hinting" to us the gender of our babies all along. We're not trying to be weird, we're just trying to mourn and heal, so please bear with us...

Before we leave...

We're getting ready to leave, but I didn't want to leave without updating you on where we're at. I have been spotting since yesterday. It has been slow, but steady. I don't know what it means, I don't even know that I am supposed to know what it means. All I know is that my Redeemer lives and His plans for me and mine are loving and perfect. So please pray for us this weekend. I'm emotionally exhausted and definitely running on empty. I know He likes empty, I know that is when He can work best, so I just surrender to that. My life and all its seasons is in His hands. He is my source, my strength, my peace and my comfort. All I want is His will in our lives.

One day at a time

Some days are easier than others. Today seems to be posing a bit of a fight.
**All the girls in this house did not stir until about 9 a.m.!!! Of course, I was one of those girls, so everything got pushed off.
**Because we came home so late last night, the kitchen wasn't clean; another delay in getting rolling with the day. So, no time to shower just wore whatever I could put together from the piles on the floor and began the mental plan for the day.
**The next threat of the day: spotting. I spotted this morning. No major bleeding, not even major spotting, but enough to shake our faith again.
**Our Christmas tree is sitting in the living room un-decorated. We decided not to buy a fresh one and use this one for the last time (hopefully) thinking it would be a smart budget move. So it's been put together for a few days now, but it is one of those pre-lit trees and, go figure, of all years this is the year where a whole section of the lights is not working.
**We are leaving town tomorrow. Ben has been looking forward for I don't even know how long to go to Rochester this weekend so he and Derek can drive to Buffalo and go watch their beloved Dolphins play the Bills.
**Heidi is ministering tonight locally, so we are going to see her. Another long awaited event that can't just be postponed. The only thing is that it means that all the house cleaning and packing needs to be done before the concert tonight.
**Very quickly all my visions of baking cranberry bread and getting my house pretty are vanishing as I realize how late it is and I don't even know where to start and I feel so exhausted all I want to do is crawl back in bed and go back to sleep!
HOWEVER, I must not, can not and will not forget that (as Smith Wigglesworth would say) "I am not moved by what I see or what I feel, I am moved by what I believe" and this is what I believe (well, one very tiny snippet of it, anyway):

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life—

for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever."
Psalm 138:8

Now, why all of these things had to be testing me today, is completely beyond me! And as I calm down Adriana who is crying and wanting to nurse every five minutes, and settle Elena who if not taking every possible toy away from Adriana is tormenting the cat, I look up to Him who is my only source... this too shall pass and is nothing in light of His glory and eternity with Him. It is just one day... one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time... more importantly, one prayer at a time!

My Runner

Did you know my husband has been running every day for the past month-and-a-half give or take? His goal is to run a marathon next year, so very dutifully he researched and studied and carefully mapped out his training. Now, for this first stage, he is only training to get in shape. I so admire his dedication! Every day, rain or shine, warm or cold he's out there. He dutifully times his every quarter of a mile, ices his knees regularly and continually increases his challenges.

I haven't told him this, mainly because we move at the speed of life and time eludes us for conversation at times... (you know, meaningful conversation), but I am so very proud of my man. When I see his dedication, his effort and his progress, and mostly because I know that the marathon is a goal, but his ultimate goal is keep himself healthy and in good shape for us.

A few weeks ago, he ran his longest challenge, all the way to his grandma's house (four miles, he regularly runs three). We were supposed to wait a certain amount of time and then drive there to wait for him and drive him home. He looked so good, out there running. It was pouring rain, yet his pace was steady. I actually kept driving back and forth a few times to make sure the girls got a real good look at my personal hero. He is an inspiration! And I just love him so!

Sick, but Happy!

I have what the girls just had... runny nose, stuffy head, headache, achy throat, etc. on top of that I can't really tell if there is morning sickness at all because all the symptoms I listed tend to make me feel like morning sickness anyway. However, every day that goes by and there is no bleeding is a happy day for this little family.

I have completely given up on trying to "interpret the signs", you know... all those little signals that are supposed to let you know that you are expecting. Everything is such a confusion with being so tired and sick that it is absolutely worthless.

But we are in a good place. There is peace and rest in knowing that it is in God's hands alone. I couldn't trust anyone else's hands more. Answering questions about it is not overwhelming at all, it is actually an exercise of faith as we hear ourselves state our stand. So, if you're not tired of hearing us (I should really say "me"), ask to your delight for it strengthens us to confess what we are walking and believing.

I have no words to thank you all for your support and your prayers! It is such a comfort to be a part of the body of Christ and know that we don't need to carry our burdens alone. Thank you so much for holding us in prayer. I can't even imagine going through this alone! Thanks for caring and loving us so!

This

would be my husband. He is playing King Herod in the Christmas play at church. What do you think?

When the rubber hits the road

We made a decision and now we get to walk it through. As I sat at the doctor's office and saw the little sac on the screen, for just a minute everything faded away... I could hear his voice explaining his opinion, but I was focused on the little sac I could see on the screen. I wanted to respond in faith, but didn't know how. Suddenly I realized the girls were off playing somewhere else in the room and Ben had been holding my hand. All I could hear in my heart was "God is bigger than this and there is a sac", that was all that mattered to me. Actually the doctor said "please call me with any questions you may have when you come out of the shock". I know I must have seemed shocked, in a way I was, but I just wanted to be cautious with my responses, after all, this is when the rubber hits the road. This man has heard us talk about God and our faith in Him, we have tried to be a witness of His love and His life and I wanted to keep it that way. I still wanted to honor Him in the midst of this confusion.

Fear is a very real thing. We knew we'd have to keep on making the decision of walking in the truth of our lives and not the reality on a daily basis. I've said to several people that if I have to make this decision every hour of every day until we have a confirmation of growth and healthy development I will still make it. Every hour of every day I will choose to believe for my baby and I've had to. Our doctor is not an alarmist, much less a fatalist. He doesn't deliver bad news unless he really, really deems it necessary, so that thought has popped in my mind more than a few times already, and we are only on the third day of the two weeks.

But God continues to remain faithful and I know that all the prayers of friends and family step in when we can't. In the end I find that in spite of the doubts, the questions, the waiting we have peace more than anything else. Scripture pops into my heart and I cling to that... I cling to my only hope and my only source. Some sleep would be nice (girls are sick again, so sleep has been scarce), but His grace and His mercy is new every morning and though I feel very "blah" His kingdom still is!

There´s reality... and then there is truth

We had a much awaited doctor´s appointment today and left with more questions than answers...

Reality is:

Although the doctor found a sac, the numbers don´t make sense. The sac measures only three to five weeks when I am supposed to be about eight weeks pregnant. His "gut feeling", as he puts it, is that though a pregnancy took place, it must have stopped and now my body is getting ready to expel it. He hopes he is wrong, but he just can´t find any other explanation. He asked that we come back in two weeks for another test to see where things are at.

Truth is:

God is sovereign. He is God over my womb and our baby´s life. He is the author of life. He alone has the power to give it or take it away.

We haven´t lost this baby until we lose this baby.

Although we respect our doctor and heed his advice we don´t look to his knowledge or his experience (or his gut) for our answers, we look up to our heavenly Father for our answers.

There is a sac however old it may be... in the end, life doesn´t have to make sense in the eyes of science, it only has to make sense in the eyes of the Lord.

The eyes of the Lord are on this little baby and we will stand and believe for life until and unless God directs us otherwise. Life is a miracle and we are now standing on miracle ground. If the time for mourning comes, I trust and rest in the knowledge that our Father shall give us the grace to walk it through, but we know in our hearts this is not such a time. So until God tells us otherwise, we will continue to celebrate life...

Can you please pray with and for us as we walk out these next few weeks?

Little girl things...

Unlike her, I don´t have sisters. I totally love my brothers, but they are boys... so it really blesses me when I see my girls interact and be friends. I am so blessed they have each other!





On another note, this really hit home. Especially because we find ourselves in little arguments that play out a little like this (names have been avoided to protect the individuals... ha,ha,ha) :

Parent: "Sweetie, lay down here on the couch, I am going to change your diaper."
child: "No, on the floor"
Parent: "I said on the couch"
child: "Houd on, I have to lay on the floor"

...and so it starts. Now, it is not a matter of where the diaper gets changed, in the end, that is really not important. But it is a matter of controlling and my sweet little child is trying to have control over the situation... "yes, I will obey, but under my own terms". But when I am closing in to second guessing myself, something like this post comes along to remind me that it is all about Him, and only Him. In the end, He has equipped us to be our daughters´parents and we have to believe that He has imparted the wisdom and grace required for such task.

Now on a more lighter note, I couldn´t go on without a couple more pictures of the artistic skills of my household...

My amazing husband materialized the idea I presented to him for our Thanksgiving table center pieces. Aren´t they cool? Of course, I forgot to take pictures of our dressed up tables and I forgot to light them when we sat at the table, but it did look pretty!

At the beginning of the month, we went to a family party and I walked away the winner of the flower arrangement that decorated our table. I set it on our kitchen counter only to find a few moments later, that a little girl had taken it apart to re-arrange it in her own style in the glass I was drinking water from. Didn´t she do a good job, though?

The happiest

4 years,

48 months of friendship,

1,460 days of love,

35,040 hours of unspeakable romance, laughters, tears (and a few fights to spice things up)

two amazing little girls,

one tiny little miracle nestled in my womb,

innumerable memories,

What else can anyone ask for?

Four years ago began a journey that I never imagined could be so rich and so full. Four years ago I married the man who jumped off a bridge for me. Four years ago I was full of dreams and expectations. Today he has become the love of my life, my hero, my best friend, the man of my dreams. Happy Anniversary, Honey!

Authority

I´ve been listening to these teachings on authority and once again been confronted with so many truths that we just tend to overlook. How many times do we sit at home and openly discuss our "opinions" about leaders in our lives (teachers, pastors, law enforcers, etc.). We forget that God instituted authority for our own protection. We forget that He respects the authority He has appointed. We forget that He moves in authority. And we unconsciously (or not) plant seeds of rebellion in our own children and then wonder about their attempts at "bending the rules", or blatantly disobey. What have they been seeing in us?

It happens so frequently: You are driving above the speed limit and suddenly see what looks like a State Trooper ahead of you. Your immediate reaction: slow down and hope he didn´t notice you were speeding. You pass him and he doesn´t pull you over, you sigh in relief and maybe even brag about how close that was. All of this while your children are in the back seat. What did you just do? You disobeyed the rules. You disrespected authority by being deceitful and then laughed at it. So why are we surprised when our child hides the mischief as they hear us approaching and then delight in getting away with having disrespected the rules and us.

This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD's anointed.'
1 Samuel 24:9-11

So often we choose to have an opinion about a person in leadership, or the way they are carrying out things and based on that opinion we decide whether we respect them or not, whether we let them lead us or not. We forget that every authority in our lives has been placed there by the Lord and has a role to play in our molding and our growth. Yes, we are all human. Yes, we are not perfect. Yes, we make mistakes. So our leaders are bound to make mistakes, but that´s where we prove to ourselves where our trust is. Think of it this way:

Imagine I am driving my van and decide to let Elena sit on my lap so she can "drive". Now, we all know that though the child may think she is driving, I am the one who is really in control. Do you think I would let her drive us into a ditch? Do you think I´d let her loose and just let us crash? You would probably give me a little more credit than that, wouldn´t you? (at least I hope you would!). We all know that Elena wouldn´t really be the one in control. Now, let´s translate into our life. Do you really think God will let someone else´s mistake interfere with His perfect plan for you? Who do you think is driving your life? Who do you think is ultimately in control? It is either God or yourself... We need to trust God for the direction of our life in spite of our knowledge, opinions and judgment. We need to trust God with our lives in spite of our leaders!

The story about David that I quoted earlier is a clear example. David had every opportunity to kill a king who had really lost it. Everybody would have cheered him on! Everybody thought he ought to kill him, after all, this very king was looking to kill David! Yet, because of the Lord, David respected the King.

When we rebel against our authority we are ultimately and really rebelling against the Lord. So how about we plant some good seeds in our children and show a little respect for the waiter at the restaurant who didn´t let you sit where you wanted; for the pastor of the church who gave you some counsel your doubtful of; for the teacher who seems to be against you; or for the President who, you think, doesn´t know what he´s doing. How about we show more respect for the husband God has appointed as the head of our home. Surely God knew what He was doing when He chose them for such roles. Surely God is bigger than they are and bigger than we are and will never let anyone stand between us and our destiny in Him.

Driving course

Yes, you read it right. Driving course. I am taking today the five hour pre-licensing driving course. Finally. I must admit I have taken this long partly, no, mostly because of pride. After having driven in my country for 10 years I am expected to do it all afresh. No considerations, no grace, no credit given at all. So about two years ago we went and got my permit. Soon thereafter I was pregnant with Adriana and we figured we'd do it after the baby was born. Adriana came, but her demands of nursing would not permit me to be away from her for five hours straight, so we left it in the back burner again. Now that Adriana is old enough, I am pregnant again! So we're not putting it off. I will fight the pride of going and taking the course and I am doing it today! How silly... After all, what is such the big deal of being treated as a beginner?

Popping my head in

To say we are all doing better. Little girls seem to finally be over the bugs that kept them sick the past couple weeks and so, I've slept a little. That is, if you don't count the times I've just dozed off while nursing Adriana on the couch. This season is not unusual for me to ask Ben the time thinking we've probably stayed up way past midnight, only to discover it is barely 9.30!

Now, for news on the home front, well my vacuum cleaner broke so my carpet is all covered in crumbs. I believe one of our tenants left a vacuum cleaner in one of the apartments, so my next task is to track it down and see if it works.

On another note, we have done the unthinkable (at least for us). We have acquired a cat!!! Neither of the adults in this house is a "cat person", if anything, we'd be dog people. However, our downstairs bathroom had a leak that led to the complete tearing off of flooring and everything and leaving in it's stead open access to the basement. From there, a couple nights ago Ben had an unpleasant encounter with a rodent that we are wishing was only a mouse but looked too big for a mere mouse. That led us to decide that if we have to choose between rodents and a cat, the latter is much more acceptable, not to mention how much fun the girls are having. And so it is that "happy face" (The name Elena chose) has become a part of our household for the past 22 hours or so. Her previous owner was kind enough to let us "borrow" her for a couple days and see how it went. So if the cat survives the girls' constant smothering, it will be official.

What do you think of that?

Perspective

Somehow, anything I think about posting just seems so shallow and empty in light of this. I don´t know her personally, but in the body of Christ, we are one whether we´ve seen each other our whole lives or not. I´ve had many waking hours this weekend and her story has really made me weep, pray, re-evaluate and take new approaches towards my own life. And as my heart continues to go out for her and her family I must say that even our constant struggle for bedtime took a whole different perspective last night.

The girls went to sleep peacefully, Ben and I walked out blessed and what usually was turning into hours of frustration became a time of impartation and building up. We all grew a little last night.

It was, after all, a matter of perspective and of tapping into what God had for us in the midst of it... go figure!

Quick question...

Do you do flu shots? and why?

Short moments and a long night...

Well, last night was one of those rare occasions in which we could go to bed at 10.30 p.m. Can you believe it? Girls sleeping by 8.00! Kitchen and living room tidy by 8.30! We watched a couple shows and then decided to call it a night and get some rest. So we got to bed and in no time some of us were snoring the night away! I heard a little one stir... I wasn't surprised, she was due to wake at any moment. So I got up at 11.30 to nurse her hoping it'd would be a routinely "first time of the night" where she goes back to sleep and wakes up a couple hours later.

You guessed it! Boy, was I wrong. Adriana was very awake, but not as lively as her normal self. And, Elena was awake too. Elena had a stuffy nose that kept waking her up every attempt she made to sleep. Adriana nursed, and nursed, and nursed, eyes wide open. At about 12.00 I decided that they were probably not feeling too well, so I'd sit between their beds and try to help them both go to sleep. At 12.30 I finally picked up Adriana only to realize she was burning up! No wonder! So I told Elena she could go to her "special bed" (a toddler bed at the feet of ours) to sleep the rest of the night. Took the excursion downstairs to look for a thermometer and medicine and then settled Adriana in bed with me.

She finally managed to sleep by 2.30 and I finally got a few "z's" in. And I had thought I was actually going to sleep... I think my problem is that I still think and wish for sleep. I need to give it up! ha,ha,ha... This morning we are all a little tired, a little cranky and a little slow. We are still battling a fever and runny noses, so we'll take it slow. But I'll finish up with a cute little story about last night...

Remember how Adriana kept waking up for no apparent reason? Well, we began to suspect that big sister had something to do with it, but couldn't really figure it out. Every night we'd ask and get answers like: "Mami, nena fell on Driana's bed. Driana kying because she wants mami!" We decided we needed to figure out exactly what was going on, so we spied on them. Yeah, we felt awful, but we figured it would be the only way.

I put Adriana in her little bed, sound asleep, kissed Elena and headed downstairs. Ben was on the floor, out of their sight and peeking through the doorway. He reports that as my steps were heard farther away from them, a little head popped up from her bed... very slowly and quietly got off her bed and as her little arm with a pointed finger was ready to touch Adriana's cheek, Ben emerged out of the darkness!

Elena gasped, was paralyzed for a couple seconds and then curled up in her bed hiding her little face from him. At this point, he knew he needed to address this, but it was altogether too cute! He took her to the bathroom and their dialog was something like this:

B: "Elena, were you going to wake Adriana up?"
E: Crying... "Yeah..."
B: "Sweetie, why?"
E: still crying... "When driana kyes, Mami comes pstairs!"
B: "Do you like it when Mami is upstairs?"
E: still crying... "Yeah!!!"

Now, how do you respond to that? When Ben told me, all I wanted to do was run upstairs, wake her up and snuggle with her!!! Is there a better feeling than being loved and wanted by your children?

Little lessons

Sometimes, God uses the most unexpected things to speak to my heart and impart little lessons. Maybe because He made me and He knows how I learn best, maybe just because He loves me. At any rate, here go a couple:

:: Friday night I finally came downstairs at 9:40 p.m. (you know, bedtime!). The girls were finally sleeping and I had yet to pick up all the toys in the living room, vacuum the shredded cheese Adriana kindly left me all over the carpet, and clean the kitchen from dinner. I began with the living room and made may way into the kitchen. As I swept the kitchen floor I kept thinking... what do I do to make this look half-way decent? The linoleum is old enough that it has lost its shine completely. It really doesn't take much for it to get very dirty, and it takes an awful lot to make it look really clean, and even then, it lasts clean only for a few hours. So this has been the pebble in my shoe, so to speak. I finally decided I'd attack each little stain with a scrubber before sweeping and mopping, maybe that would help... But ohhh, it is so late, I have to get on my knees and my back hurts already, I thought. And then it came... the sweet small voice:
"Only if and when you're willing to do the hard work on a regular basis do you get things to look the way you want them... it is the same with your heart... Only if and when you're willing to not only dust off the surface but get down on your knees and scrub it off on a regular basis will life feel the way you expect."
It is all about constant, regular and hard work! Duh! you may say... but it was a fresh reminder for me.

:: We were looking for a couple of cards at a local store yesterday. The girls were getting antsy, so I left Ben to the task and began walking the store with them. They have a beautiful Christmas room, so I took them there. They were both in awe of all the beautiful Christmas decorations and there was some Holiday music playing. Elena immediately said... Mami! Music! as she held my hand and led me to where she thought the music was coming from. The CD player was hidden under a table in a very quaint corner of the room. Elena's face lit up and she exclaimed "Come on, Mami, hold my hand... we're dancing!" I looked around the room in the hopes of being alone and shyly began twirling with her. But as we "danced" (in all honestly, we can't call that dancing... he,he) and I saw her happy face and heard her laughter, and then looked at Adriana bobbing her little head and flailing her arms while I held her I started loosening up. There it came again...
"...unless you turn from your sins, and become like little children..."
The purity of finding joy in the simple things! The joy of living boldly without regards of what people are thinking! And that was only in dancing to a little Christmas tune... how much more joy should we experience when we are doing our Father' will! And how much more joy does it bring to the Father's heart when He sees us delight in His creation and His plans for us!

Our Gift

I was going to wait until I had a nice picture to put up and make the big announcement, but just found out that I won´t be getting any "pictures" until the end of the month (you´ll understand as you read). I can´t wait that long... we are expecting baby number 3!!!

I don´t get into my doctor´s until the end of the month, so I won´t have a nice ultrasound picture to post.

We are excited, overwhelmed, scared, thrilled... our emotions are all over the place! But we are grateful that God would choose to share with us, once again, His creative power and let life be within me!

Bedtime

Bedtime continues to pose challenges for this little family. I´m not yet at a point of dreading it, but I do say a hopeful prayer before heading upstairs with the little ones in tow.

Elena does well, as long as we aren´t there. Adriana does well, as long as we are there. So, you see where the dilemma lies...

Adriana nurses, I wait for the "limp limb" sign to put her down and sometimes it is very effective, she doesn´t stir and sleeps for a good couple hours before needing me again. Some other times, though, she just doesn´t want to stop nursing at all. And as long as one of us is there, trying to help Adriana fall back asleep, Elena keeps being distracted herself.

We ask for wisdom and grace... that is, after all, the time when I´m at the end of my rope. I just want to get downstairs as soon as possible, clean my kitchen and call it a day! But I think above all things we are praying for creativity and patience to walk this through...

"Elenisms"

::Her newest thing is posing for the camera... here, she is sporting a wig and some red lolly-pop in her lips

:: Our little girl came to our bed last night and got as close to me as she could. Upon waking up this morning and asked if she wanted pancakes for breakfast she replied: "Yes, Mami, ca-cakes... songa (snuggle) first!" And snuggle we did!

:: After breakfast Elena was on the couch saying in a very low and deep voice "Lion king fatherrrr" then she'd laugh her little head off and said "That's funny, mami". Now, this is the story behind such line: I wasn't feeling well yesterday, so Ben took care of the girls in the morning and ended up having to bring them to the office with him. He told me that in order to keep them entertained during breakfast he began telling them lines from Star Wars (if you know my husband, you don't need to ask) so he'd say in a low and deep voice "Luke, I am your father"! It is beyond me how Elena translated that into lion king father, especially because she hasn't seen that movie recently and obviously, she doesn't realize that both voices belong to the same actor!

:: We had to stay longer than usual in church after Saturday night service. Everybody was gone and we were just waiting for Ben to be done. As we waited, Elena approached me and said: "Mami, I need to play my beautiful games" I said "ok" and followed her, curiosity piked to see what she was referring to. She found the controls for some kind of video games that the youth keep there and began pushing buttons to her heart's delight. When we came home and I was putting her down, we prayed for "the usual suspects" but when I said "in Jesus' name" and was ready to close the prayer, she interjected: "No, Mami.... Jesus bess nena's beautiful games"... talk about submitting to the Lord every aspect of your life!

Mushrooms

As most of you know, I grew up in the city. Seeing mushrooms grow in your yard was a very rare occurrence. The very few times it happened, we'd find a tiny specimen that would almost require a microscope to appreciate. So I find myself quite intrigued by the appearance of these humongous monsters in our yard! Bear with me, please, as I post these pics for the amazement of my fellow city-folk!

This one was the first we saw in September.

Now this one we found a couple weeks ago and decided to leave it to see how far it grew.
The girls and I went to check on it yesterday to find that it was getting mushy and yellow, so our ideas of kicking it were quickly discouraged and we just took a couple pictures for my mom and our own amusement.

And this one I took for reference to the size... look at the size of that monster!

New day, New hair

Isn´t she just precious? I couldn´t pass on the chance to show off my little girl!

:: After well over 6 months since I last got a haircut, I went on Monday and went the practical way. I asked the lady to cut it so that I could just get out of the shower and be ready for the day. She was nice enough to spare me a shocking change, so she said she´d still leave it long enough for me to pull back on a pony tail. So 7 inches later, this is the end result. I miss my long hair but it sure feels nice to just walk out of the shower and not have to worry about what my hair will look like!

:: My Mom left yesterday. All of a sudden it feels like my work just multiplied overnight... well, it really did. In spite of my constant nagging her not to, she did so much around here that after being so spoiled I have to re-learn living with two little girls! She was a blessing to have and we sure miss her. Adriana every so often starts walking around the house chanting "Ti...ta... wha you?" over and over again. They both miss her, but I am happy to see that, so far, they´re adjusting fine to the temporary presence of my family. I definitely see the grace of the Lord in that they don´t forget them easily and when they see them again it´s almost like the just pick up where they´d left!

:: The fall hasn´t settled in fully yet and we are already dealing with the first runny noses of the season. This extension of warm weather, I admit, has made it hard to switch into full gears so I haven´t yet done anything to try and limit the "propagation" of germs. You guessed it, next thing on the list is stocking up with disinfecting supplies!

My baby needs me

I am awaken by the cry of Adriana and get out of bed in a hurry. I pick her up, take her pajamas off and bring her to bed with me, after all, this is the fifth time she has woken up tonight, it must be really, really late (or should I say, early). I settle her in bed and try to hurry before she wakes everybody else up. A quick glance at my nightstand clock... I squint a little harder to make sure I'm reading correctly. It is only 1:00 a.m. I say only because usually the "bring-her-to-bed-so-you-can-sleep-longer-part" doesn't come until about 3:00. Yeah, this is one of those nights. Every once in a while she gets into this little pattern of waking up almost every hour and this is the second night this week.

My sweet, sweet girl is 14 months old. She still nurses about every two hours at night time. I don't know if it is personality or that her little body still needs it but I truly am her pacifier and she still truly drinks when she nurses. At this age, Elena was weaned... On the one hand, I was already pregnant with Adriana, but then again, she has always been a little less attached to me than Adriana. She also nurses often during the day.

Now, I'd be lying if didn't admit to the fact that night time can be really hard. I really like to sleep, especially at night time when I've spent my day seeing to my family's need and my body is aching for a bed. So I don't particularly enjoy that since Adriana was born I don't think I've gotten more than 3 hours straight. During those lonely, dark hours I usually have this conversations with the Lord... Is she ok, Lord? Is she ever going to wean? I mean, I could really use a full night of sleep here and there, you know. Am I doing something wrong? This couldn't be bad for her, could it? and then I check to make sure she is cool enough, warm enough, comfortable enough, whatever-else-I-can-think-of enough, tuck her in her crib and go back to bed just to turn and do it again in no more than two hours.

But then, at the same time, somewhere in between my mind wanderings I stop, look at her and think: My, oh my, she still needs me. My hand touches her soft little feet, even in the darkness I can see her precious, delicate features and her little hand finds its way under my shirt looking for the warmth of skin. Those few minutes, when I finally make the voice of my mind stop complaining and appreciate what these quiet little moments can be all about, I am blessed. My baby still needs me and I can soothe her... what else can I ask for? These nights will soon be gone, she will be on to new stages of her little life and I will be missing this season...

Apple picking

A week ago, we took the girls apple picking. They loved it even though we had to cut it short due to rain. Adriana had the most fun, picking and biting them one by one and dropping them again as she kept finding more! Finally she settled for holding one in each hand, but she never let pass the opportunity to bite any other that came close to her mouth!

Where we've been

After four years of living in New York, we finally went to see the Niagara Falls! I think they're absolutely gorgeous! Here a few pics.

Getting our ponchos on for the ride on the Maid of the Mist! It was a warm and sunny day, just perfect!

Elena was really excited to see the "wafalls"

She loves boat rides! So, some of us had a better time

than others... Adriana couldn't get past the annoyance of wearing a poncho!

on of the breathtaking sights!

We had a fabulous time! We spent a couple nights with family and took a much needed break, plus we are squeezing the juice out of my mom's stay with us. We have been apple picking and we plan on going to a pumpkin patch some time this week, but more pictures of all that fun later. For now, bear with me as we swing into a new routine!

A very few pics

All the ladies (this wasn't the official photographer, so Melody can't really be seen)

The bride and her flower girls

Adriana stealing the bridal bouquet away...

As we saw the bride walk in...

It was a gorgeous day, an amazing setting, a beautiful ceremony... my, my, my... what a great beginning for a new love story!

The Big Day!

Today is the big day we've been preparing for the last few months. Today, two lives will become one. Seasons of prayer, pondering and seeking of God's will are over. Days of planning and preparation have come to an end. Today is a day of celebration! What an amazing gift God gave us when He thought of marriage. And the cherry on top? Today, a bride leaves my home to walk down the aisle that will lead her to her groom. This little home has been a part of it and this whole house is busting at the seams full of people celebrating. All of it thanks to God's blessing and provision to our own lives! Happy day!

This week

• Well, for starters, my Mom is here! She's been here for a week already and the girls are having the greatest time with her.
• The wedding is this Saturday (that is, Dan Wolford and Maria Hackel's). This whole little family is in the wedding, so the week is flying by as we prepare and help with last minute details.
• And that, is pretty much all I have time for as everything else would be way too elaborate to get into, so I'll catch up later!
  

Joining

We are joining in prayer for this little family. (In the pictures: This is only baby's dad, as mom is in another hospital recovering from delivery)

Stretching

It is safe to say that we are being stretched and are also growing, but at the same time we are dying.

I have been reminded afresh of the illustration of marriage being like a bow (as in archery). The structure represents the husband and the string, the wife. When I heard God's whisper in my heart about the hand that is doing the stretching, I could see in my minds eye a bow in preparation for shooting. How much tension goes in the process! The bow gets bent, the string gets pulled and they stay together as the hand pulls. A premature release of the tension would result in an inefficient throw. The mark would most definitely be missed. We do not want to miss the mark, whatever it is God wants to accomplish in and through us in this season, we want to be faithful to reach. So both of us are holding as hard as we can... holding on to Him and holding on to each other. It is definitely not easy but we know that it is for good, for growth, for life! As long as it His working in our lives, however uncomfortable, we say yes.

At a loss for words

I have to say, my writer's block continues. There is so much going on and I truly don't know where or how to focus (in writing). Let's see:
:: My dad is feeling better (or I should say doing better, for what I hear he is not necessarily feeling all that well).
:: My mom didn't come on Thursday. She will try to get on Sunday's plane.
:: We had a great week with them visiting. It has been the longest we've been able to hang out together since we got married. Our house feels empty now that they left... but we did have a wonderful time!
:: Today we are babysitting her.
:: Decisions seem to be the order of the day, some for ministry, some for family, some for finances but all decisions that need careful thought and prayer. I have come to learn that the process of making such decisions is as important as the decisions themselves, so usually keeping to myself keeps me from getting in trouble. I don't want to speak out of time or be led by my emotions. Trust me, they're right there, ready to pop their head in any minute.
:: Remember what I was saying before about coming to the cross? Well, in continuing with that post and as we face decisions and yet more stretching, I did ask the Lord, "How much more are we going to be stretched?" His whisper in my heart was clear... "Don't ask how much but know that the hand stretching you is mine"... That is enough for me to know that this stretching is for growth, for life, for love. It doesn't have to be fun or easy, but it is meant for good and that is all that matters.

Disappointed

My Mom was supposed to come on Saturday night. She is flying stand by, though, so she hasn't been able to board two flights already. Her next chance will be Thursday night. We made a little calendar with the girls, it has my mom's picture and we called it "Days 'til Pita comes". It had a flower and we numbered each petal and we would take one off and count the days left for her to come. At this point, out little flower has no more petals left... and the anticipation and excitement of her coming has turned into a daily prayer with the girls that she'll get a seat on the next plane.

Needless to say, I am so very disappointed and have absolutely no way to change things. The girls are fine... we pray everyday and the motto of our life has become "One more day and Pita comes!" Now, I do need to say that it turned out being ok because my dad hasn't been feeling well and so my mom will be taking him to the doctor today to figure out what's wrong with him and hopefully he'll have some time to recover before she leaves.

Oh well... hopefully we will finally see her on Thursday.